Growing and evolving is hard...

We often look at children as they morph seemingly overnight into adults and wonder when it all happened. I would guess that it happened in those nasty messy times when we thought they were going crazy because of their sulking, outbursts, frustrations, and periodic tantrums. Why do I believe this? I believe it, because I feel the same way right now. I feel like a child that needs to be entrusted with more, but is idling in the same place, at the same pace, getting frustrated! I want to learn more. I need to learn more. But alas, I am too immature. I haven't handled some things that need to be handled. Like a child, I want more freedom, but I'm too scared to do what it takes to get it...*snaps the band on big panties and turns on music to continue dancing with Esu*

Updates: Egun, Roots, Teachers, Paths...

Egun Discipline
I'll start this one by just saying this. When your egun tell you to do something, just do it. You are not stronger than they are. You are not more persistent or stubborn than they are. The do NOT just live at the altar and will follow you around like Patrick Swayze did Whoopi Goldberg in the movie "Ghost". They have free range to go where they want and to be as persistent as they want.

Out of pure fear, arrogance, and ignorance did I basically challenge my egun. I was told very clearly to communicate a message to someone. In my opinion the message was going to be very hurtful to this person and so for months I refused to say what I had been told to say. Let's suffice it to say that in the end I said what I was told after much fear, crying, and a really punky email. Guess what. The person wasn't shocked or surprised. I had basically made myself sick and ran myself crazy because I put the imagined feelings of someone else before the request, to put it nicely, of my egun. Note to self: Egun are smarter than us and more persistent because they don't need sleep...

Roots Reading
So I got my DNA done a while back and planned to get oko mi's done too because we were really feeling the need to reconnect with our roots on The Continent. Well, Iya Ifalola told him about getting a roots reading. What is that you ask? Well, I won't tell you what it is because I don't know if it's the same experience for everyone. I will, however, tell you what it was for me. I found out that I returned through my father's lineage which came from Benin. I was also told that we come from artisans and worshiped Ifa and were enslaved because we refused to give up our traditional culture for Islam. Some things were read for my diet and such, but most exciting was that I received my name. Morenike (moh-reh-nee-keh) Egunjobi (Eh-goon-jo-bee). I found it to be very fitting. I'm very happy that I had it done and felt that it was very accurate. Baba Ifategunse from the Village of Oyotunji did it for us and he was VERY patient and a really good teacher. Love HIM!!!

Teachers
I do have 2 people that I would have to consider to be teachers right now which is fine by me. I keep feeling a tug to consult, for whatever reason, a third who is a priestess of Osun. I'm struggling against my fear and stubbornness to just stop over thinking it and contact her. The super stupid part is that her number is already in my phone. Sometimes I just look at myself like, "really?". UGH!

This Path
I have learned so much about myself as an individual and as part of a huge collective. I love myself more. My character is WAY better than it was. I am so much more balanced. I still have a lot to learn, but that is the beauty of this culture. There is always more to learn. You are not judged for what you don't know. You are only judged if you are unwilling to learn. My teachers in aiye ati orun are wonderful and I know that I am loved because they correct me.

I hope this helps you on your path. Ase.

The Core of Fire~A Path to Yoruba Spiritual Activism~ Chapter 1

I just recently purchased this book, and let me just say, I have not been disappointed. I have just completed chapter one which is mostly based on the concept that we all have a "core belief system or CBS" as it is referred to in the book. I must say that the introduction, at first, was frying my brain a bit. I was taking it as a light read while it is quite the opposite. This book is full of knowledge from page one, in my opinion. For me this is not a book to just sit down and charge through at first, you have to be prepared to let some things digest if you are new to this culture. I am very new, so...yea.

Oko mi (my husband) was told, by a friend and teacher of ours (Iyanifa Ifalola), that you won't just go straight from a church mindset and straight into a Yoruba mind all the time (me paraphrasing). I was nodding at him, all the while thinking that I was "deep" so I was going to instantly be Afrikan. Yea, that worked until I said grace and ended it "in Jesus name" and clasped my hand over my mouth as if I'd cursed. lol Another teacher friend (Iya Ajoke) has been able to draw parallels for us using our CBS of Christianity to help us understand some of the teachings of Ifa. Why did they have to explain an ancient tradition by using examples from Christianity? Because right now, we still filter things through our CBS of Christianity. Christianity, as much as it pains me to admit it, still can move me emotionally with it's prayers, songs, and scriptures. It took me from birth until some months ago to absorb Christianity, I don't know why I thought that in less than probably 6 months I would be Ifa mind all the time. I wish, but that just isn't reality.

In the book the author, Aina Olomo, talks about how we can know things intellectually and utilize them in an intellectual fashion, but still not have them replace our CBS. If I were to be in a car wreck right now or some other horrible situation, I would be callin' on Jesus. Why? Because I was basically born and bred to do so. Even when I pray in English it takes all I have not to end it with "in Jesus name we pray", which is why I like to pray in Yoruba. lol She gave an example of a couple with children that have been in the culture for 25 years. They have children who I believe were 8 and 11 when they started living the Yoruba culture. On the parents' egun altars you will find crosses, bibles, and will hear them singing hymns. Now, I think that the reason lies both in the CBS of the parents AND some of the egun. I feel that why because of my experiences at my altar. Now, on the other hand, their children don't have all that stuff on their altars because they have no emotional or spiritual attachment to Christianity. She also spoke about one of the children's experience when she attended church for the first time at the age of 26 (?). All she was able to grasp from the sermon was when they talked about animal sacrifice and casting lots, because her CBS is Ifa. Ahhhh, to reach that stage...

Anyway, I am just so excited about this book I just wanted to share. I hope you will join me in reading it. Just understand that the author did not write to book as something for us to ALL agree on. She wrote it in many ways to challenge the system with all of it's divisions and chasms. If you read it, let me know whatcha think about it.

Odabo Emi!

Baba Fururu/Obatala

The Blood Never Loses It's Power...

I was listening to T.D. Jakes as he was preparing to pray for Eddie Long's situation and it struck me for the first time how dependent the Christian religion is on the idea of the blood. He was pleading the blood, asking to be covered in the blood, miming as if he were covering himself in blood etc. Now, I grew up in church and I remember a lot of talk about the blood of Jesus and even sometimes they might talk about the sacrificial animals used by the "Old Testament" Jews. They were always very careful to make a point to remind you that Jesus was the perfect sacrificial lamb so that no more blood needed to be spilled.

In my former brush with Ifa culture I witness my first animal sacrifices. The first one caught me a little off guard because it was one of the chickens that I had cared for every morning. By the time I saw other chickens, goats, turtles, etc. it seemed normal. It was done with such love and respect. It was as if the animals completely understood that they were giving themselves so that we could continue to be.

I returned to the church and although I was at the same church that I had grown up in, everything seemed different. I saw things from a different angle, although I didn't understand much of it. The main thing that I understood in a different light was communion. During communion what is said is that the juice represents the blood spilled by Christ on the cross. Well, before seeing the animals sacrificed I had never seen anything bleed and die for me. Communion was different for me. I took it seriously. I cried. I mourned. I repented. I gave thanks.

When I heard the story of Cain and Abel and how Abel's blood cried from the ground when he had been killed it sounded different to me. I had never thought about the ase having the power to speak for us. The ase of our ancestors still speaks and cries out from the grown, trees, oceans, and hands of those that slaughtered us. That blood still has power because those that it spilled from understood the power that it held. They knew that it would continue to speak for them, scream for them, cry for them, and fight for them. They knew.

Since beginning, in earnest, on this path (again), I understand that the blood never looses it's power or ase. If ase is spilled there is power there. That is why even Christians are able to pull on the residue left behind by their sacrificial lamb and see results, even if only a shadow of what the results should be. Blood has been and still is, though denied by many, a main source of power or ase. It is our life force. All that you are in contained in your blood. Ase Ase Ase O

Egun ati Master Cleanse

Yesterday a client of mine brought me some fresh field peas from her father's garden. I was so excited. I just kept thinking about what I was going to do with them and how I was going to make a one bowl meal and eat them for all three meals on the first day I can eat whatever I want.

Well, this morning as I was juicing for my "lemonade" I heard, "we want some field peas". Okay, I stopped juicing and put the field peas on. Went back to juicing. "We like green beans in our peas." Okay, I added that. Went back to juicing. "We'd also like a little rice." Put that on and went back to juicing. When it finished cooking I put it all on the white plates that belonged to my grandmother and created a lovely presentation as a drooled over food that I couldn't not have. See most times "We" eat together. I was a little irritated, but heard Iya say, "It ain't 'bout chu baby." I put my iwa pele 3 piece suit on and graciously and humbly took the food to my appreciative egun.

They have gone without food for longer than my little 10 days, so who am I to act like a spoiled brat. I give thanks for them even speaking to me and finding me worthy to serve them at all. Iba se Egun!

Quotations from Inner Peace Chapter1

Quotations from Chapter 1 of Inner Peace

There was a lot in this chapter so I have three quotes and that less than what I wanted, but I didn’t want to torture myself or others with writing too much. This chapter is one that evoked conversation with both my daughter and husband. The focus for me was ibi, ire, s’otito.

“The smooth assimilation of the lesson from divination is called ire. The resistance to the lesson is called ibi. In Yoruba the word ibi means afterbirth. Holding on the placenta after delivery is fatal.” Pg31 Ch1 Inner Peace

When I gave birth to my children I had pain as all mothers do, but it was erased when I was holding those beautiful babies. What I didn’t realize the first time around was that the nurse would return to inflict further pain by pressing on my stomach. I was asking her why she was doing that. What was wrong with this woman? Didn’t she see what I’d just been through? Yes, she’d seen it, but she knew something that I didn’t. It was her job to make sure that the placenta was totally out of my womb. If she hadn’t done her job I may have gotten sick and/or died. You see, the placenta is the connection between mother and child and is literally life sustaining as long as the child is in the womb, but as soon as the child is birthed and the cord is cut, it no longer serves a purpose. It immediately goes from life sustaining to life threatening in the blink of an eye. What I got from this quote is that no matter how vital something is at a point in your life, once its purpose has been fulfilled it immediately turns life threatening.

One of the tools used to break the bonds of ibi is humility. From an Ifa perspective humility is the ability to consider another point of view and to make no assumptions about that point of view until it can be tested through experience.” pg37 Ch1 Inner Peace

Humility is most times a difficult lesson in most cultures and on most paths. You will see lessons on humility in every religion around the world because in many ways it seems to repeatedly oppose our nature to, in our weakness, lean to dogma when deeper or more difficult paths/messages/lessons escape us. I appreciate the psychology in this quote because it makes it much easier to understand. If I could take a judgment that I have about someone or something and place it in the middle of the floor, I could walk around it and see all the different sides of it. This method is the ideal. Most times, however, we choose to see things only through our one sided reality and our previous experiences not realizing how limited our scope of reality truly is. There so many experiences that makes up a person that it is impossible, not to mention damaging, to the person being judged and the person doing the judging to see things from only one view point. There is not enough room for dogma and humility to travel the same road together.

“Ifa culture trains the younger generation in s’otito (state only the facts) through the use of a strict taboo against gossip.” pg 39 Ch1 Inner Peace

The other day my egun reminded me that the book of James in the Bible basically states that if you can tame your tongue you will have control of your whole body. This is so very true. The above quote speaks of just stating the facts and if most are honest this can be very hard to do. From childhood we learn to “embellish” (lie) whether it be for entertainment or to save ourselves from punishment. When we stick to just the facts there can be an element of fear involved because it will adversely affect both us and the people around us in the beginning. You will quickly find out who loves you and who doesn’t when you start to state only the facts. It may be hard but it is good medicine.

As far as the gossip in and of itself, don’t say anything that you can’t say twice or that you wouldn’t say if the person were standing right in front of you. Also, don’t do like some church folk do and talk about somebody and claim that you are only bringing it up so that y’all can “pray about the situation”. 

Inner Peace Introduction

Quotations from Introduction to Inner Peace

I am so deeply and passionately in love with this book. It is a really easy read, but it digs at the deeper places in your soul so it requires more than one read. The pictures painted in this book really connected with me and pulled at me as it relates to our dependence on nature. The interesting this in that it helped me to have a different understanding of Spirit in nature. I realize now that they are one in the same. There is a vibration or a piece of Spirit in everything. Spirit even dwells in those things that we would refer to as inanimate objects such as the rocks the Iya Osun smoothes over with her waters or the sand that has be crushed and carried by Olokun and Yemoja. I feel much more connected to nature, because I now that I depend on it.

This book also spoke to me in other ways, but in two major ways that affect me directly. The concept of the Elenini is one that I had never considered before this book and it has been life changing as it has removed all my punk excuses. The book also removed my judgments of people not “doing Ifa correctly”. This was really important because my husband and I are under the tutelage of different teachers.

“Resistance to change is the source of what Ifa calls Elenini, or self-generated demons that have no existence outside of our imaginations.” pg 19 Introduction, Inner Peace

My Elenini were few in number but strong and determine to stay. Growing up in church I am familiar with the idea of demons or spirits riding or attaching themselves to you. People would pray for your deliverance and by the end many times you would end up looking like a greased pig at the county fair, but with little or no result. I have put money on altars, anointed myself, been anointed, told that this trinket or that trinket would help, called on Jesus and tarried until sunrise and all to no avail. What was wrong? Why didn’t it work? If you look at the way the issue was handled I was in a very helpless passive position.

Ifa does not expect us to be passive. These Elenini are my little bastard demon children. I am the only one that can get rid of them. They are totally under my control. Although I must admit, it’s hard to get rid of things that you are accustomed to even if those things are harmful. My oldest and strongest Elenini was fear. Every time I was asked to do something outside of my realm of comfort I would shake, sweat, and sometimes even cry. I would seize and be unable to think clearly. I have only been made aware of the severity of it sense beginning this path of Ifa. Why? I think that it is more obvious because Elenini know Ifa and they know me so they more aware of their impending destruction.

I realize that Elenini will try to return and even more may be revealed or created, but know I know the source and what to do. I am know equipped with the tools and the knowledge to handle them before they get too established. I am able to change the course of my family by teaching my children to take responsibility for issues that they have created for themselves. I am in control and that knowledge is a step toward change.

“The result is that no two Ifa communities look the same…” pg20 Introduction, Inner Peace

This was very important for me to learn because my husband and I in official terms have two different teachers that teach in two different ways. In the beginning I kept feeling like he was doing things the wrong way or out of order etc. Now I know that things will sometimes look different. That is fine because Ifa gives to each community, lineage, and individual what they need. I believe that in total wisdom knows that what we need will not always be the same just as we are not the same. That is what makes this walk so beautiful. It is individual and collective at the same time.

Sankofa

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part4


Part5


Part 6

Ofo ase and Ancestors

Well, I have officially learned the power of ofo ase and not letting every ancestor in your space.

So I've had my ancestor shrine set up for a while and we been chilling and talking and such. Well, recently my husband started to lightly communicate with some of his folks. All of a sudden he starts to have unexplainable feelings of anger. I wasn't feeling anything. I decided to cleanse the space and was having a rather difficult time so I knew that somebody didn't want to go and was resisting. After I was done I spent the rest of the evening reading and studying. We made a wine run and he expressed to me that he didn't feel that the room was cleansed. When we got back, I talked to my folks again and found out that somebody that he'd been talking to wasn't a person of iwa pele. I couldn't really talk to him right then because he was still being affected. His sleeping was restless and everything, but I was fine.

This morning we continued to talk about it, and when I felt it was a good time I began to tell him about what I learned about elenini and ofo ase from Ajoke. We sorted through the two choices and decided that a person that he talked to hadn't been someone that he wanted around because of the anger they had when they were on this plane. I asked him had he told them that they weren't welcome and had to go. He said no he hadn't. As soon as he did they left and life has been sweet ever since.

I guessed that the reason I couldn't get rid of them was because they weren't my folks, I hadn't invited them, and/or maybe because I'm a beginner. Either way. Nothing happened until Titus invoked ofo ase. I am so proud of Titus. I am so happy that I was able to pass what I have learned on to him. I am happy to be a part of something that I can see the results. I love that I am learning to have what I was supposed to have all along--dominion.

Now had it been elenini it would have been a situation of having to get rid of a self created issue. This is not something that you can blame on a spirit or anything external. They are your fault. They are your creation. They are the love children of your irresponsibility and denial. Only you can rid yourself of them.

I have learned a lot in a short time and am more excited each day because Spirit constantly manifests.  Constantly wants to communicate with you. I give thanks. Who knew that life could be this way?

*to the tune of yes Jesus loves me*
Egun love me this I know.
For Ajoke told me so.
All of us to them belong.
Because of them we are made strong.

Yes Egun love me!
Yes Egun love me!
Yes Egun love me!
'Cause Ajoke told me so!

Egun shrine, Master Key, Inner Peace! OH MY!!! and a bonus...

Egun Shrine
Can I just say that I have never felt so connected in all my life? I love tending my shrine. I love communicating with my egun. For example, the other morning I was cooking eggs and toast for my children. I made some scrambled eggs (no salt), dry toast, and coffee for my egun. I sat it on my shrine feeling quite pleased with myself and excited to be doing something different with them. Later I went to hang out with them at the shrine and just as clearly I heard somebody say, "I like honey on my toast". I just laughed. How do I know it wasn't me? Because I don't even really like honey. I will mix it with peanut butter, but I don't even like it in tea or anything. I drizzled the honey and they seem to have been pleased. They will sometimes even tell me scriptures to read. I still have to purchase a Quran for the Muslims in the family (Fulani Cameroon) so that I can read to them too. My uncle also told me that he wants a puzzle. He LOVED puzzles and I forgot all about it until he asked for it. I need to add the Choctaw people to the mix of folks represented. I still have a really hard time acknowledging my father's side of the family. Long story for another day. I just have to remember that they are not as they were.

Master Key System
What can I say about this? I am reading part one and it is tedious, but has some really good information. This is going to teach me to quiet my mind so that I can meditate and hopefully trance and vision more readily. I have never been able to sit and still my mind. I want to be able to hear and respond appropriately to Spirit where ever I am. Part three looks much more interesting and I look forward to prepping myself for it. I'll be able to levitate by the end of it. lol

Inner Peace
OMG! Can you say LOVE IT? I love this book and I am only on the introduction! I love it! If I weren't married already I would marry it. It just makes things so understandable and helps you to know that where you are is where you are supposed to be like Ajoke told me a long time ago. I didn't believe her wholeheartedly, but I do now. Sssshhh, don't tell her that she was right all along as usual. lol I can't wait to really get into this book! I am so excited!

10 reasons I love Ifa Culture

1. The only thing that cannot be changed is the date of your birth and the date of your death. I love that because it gives me some type of control over my life and responsibility. I actually have choices.
2. Egun worship is foundational. I love the fact that we are EXPECTED to worship, venerate, respect, acknowledge, and connect with those that came before us in our bloodline both known and unknown. Beautiful thang people. It's a beautiful thang. 
3. Balance. I love the fact that where there is male there is female and where there is female there is also male. None is above the other and both are acknowledged equally. Unlike the system I was raised in, female energy is held in as high regard as male energy. I must admit this has been difficult for me as I am accustomed to be being second class, but I'm movin' on up. lol
4. Culture. I love that this is a culture rather than a religion. This is something that I think of in my every action and behavior. I acknowledge different aspects of this culture when I drive through an intersection, pass a cemetery or a river, walk a path in the woods or go off the beaten trail, or even drive over RR tracks. I love it!
5. You are allowed to have a show me attitude. You are not expected to just say that everything that does happen was because of your faith or everything failed because of your lack of faith. This was really easy for me to transition to. I hated when the church would pray for my husband repeatedly to get out of the wheelchair and it would never happen. They even went so far as to announce that it would happen by that next Sunday and of course it didn't. It caused so many of the youth to lose faith because imho either the preacher lied or God did because they said that God said he was going to walk in that next Sunday and it didn't happen. 
6. Each one teach one. When I tell you that I am surrounded by people with this attitude I mean it! Everybody is such a willing teacher as far as my experience so far. I know that everybody in this culture isn't going to be that way and I'm not going to fool myself, but I have a wonderful circle of Sistas. Lessons are valued based on effectiveness not titles. We are all able to learn from one another and it is beautiful. If you mess with any of them I'll kick your ass! This takes me to my next point...
7. Iwa pele. Gentle character. Good character. I'll still kick your ass, but only with good reason and then I will reflect on how we came to the point of physical conflict to help you to avoid pissing me off the next time. Seriously, it is the core of the culture. I even look at as meaning wise character. Ifalola taught me this lesson early on. It was a hard on too, because I have pitbull tendencies. I am extremely loyal, but DO NOT CROSS ME! *whoooooosaaaaaaa*
8. Connection with nature. All the orisa are forces of nature. You can't disrespect nature without disrespecting them. If you take a flower, you leave an offering. That has made me think before I just go snatching flowers and such from their homes. Everything has a purpose and there is a price to pay for removing a specimen from it's home and purpose. We love to go to the creek and Mari used to get rocks. Well, now we know that we should offer something to Iya Osun, ask permission, and make an offering if we are allowed to remove it.
9. From birth. This culture on the continent starts from the literal moment we return to this plane. It tells me that this is for ALL ages. There is no children's church etc. to separate the children from the rest of the community. From the very beginning they are taught this culture, not by worksheets and such, but by living it out hands on with everyone in the community.
10. Children are blessings and not burdens. I have to be honest. This is one that I am still working on. I have spent a lot of time speaking that children, mine included, are burdensome. It was just they way I learned from what I saw and or heard at different points (not from my Mama). It didn't help that I was a single parent for quite a while. Maybe that was just a self fulfilling prophecy. Idk. Either way I am relearning this beautiful lesson. My children are blessings indeed and for all I know I maybe born again as their grandchild. :)

There is now, therefore, no condemnation...no seriously...well now there's not.

Okay, so I was talking to a sister of mine that goes by Mahogany Homeschooler. She is a beautiful inside and out. We talked about religion, paths, spirituality, and past lives as we always do when we speak. She seems to be more on the path of the Kemetic system while my spirit is tied to the West coast of the continent. Either way we like so many sojourning sistas have a root in the mire of Western Christianity. Yes, that damn quicksand of 1 day of church, 1-2 bible studies (evening and noonday), tithing when you ain't got shit to give and yo lights cut off, and scaring the mess out of you if you even consider exploring other paths. Before you say it, I already know. Your church, pastor, house church, and/or personal path/experience with Christianity was different and this doesn't apply to you.

So here was our main topic. Condemnation.

Now, Christianity is a little tricky with this one because apparently you aren't condemned as long as you are part of the exclusive Jesus club. Once you step away, a.k.a. backslide, you are now open to be condemned by any and all Christians worldwide. Now, this can be done any number of ways depending on your locale. If you are in some "less developed" countries you could be stoned or decapitated, but here in the good old West they will just rip you to pieces verbally and give you an advanced pass to hell. You can do as you please as long as you profess Christ, but once you cross over and denounce him you are now going to hell, and no it doesn't matter how good of a person you are. I could go on, but since you all probably have been adequately exposed to this foolishness I will stop there.

Now that I have chosen to follow the path of Ifa I don't feel the need to judge everyone against my measuring stick. I don't feel that if people don't worship or do as I do that they are going to hell with gasoline draws on. I was raised in a religion that told you not to condemn yet condemned everyone else. Judged everyone except themselves while claiming not to judge at all. I feel that if your path causes you to change for the better and, if possible, reflects your culture somehow then good for you and GO FOR IT! If you can't say this then you probably should reset your navigation system for a path that will challenge you to be more than you are. I don't get so angry anymore at the church folk that won't speak to me all of a sudden though we've known each other for years, I don't get angry when I am black balled, it doesn't bother me that I have a saved, sanctified, holy ghost filled, fire baptized aunt who chose to sit her everybody-going-to-hell-but-me butt out in the car rather than come inside in speak. For the first time I feel pity more than anything. I feel sorry that they have to have the crabs in a mentality to compete for positions and earn points to get into this heaven. I often wonder if I would want to go to that heaven with them anyway. At last I can move in and out of religious discussion without the need to convert.

It's beautiful that I know sistas of all types of beliefs and cultures. It's wonderful that we are all following our own paths. What's best of all is that I no longer believe that they are all going to hell because they don't worship the same God that was used to enslave us, but even then to each his/her own.

Be clear on whatcha ask for!

Are my ancestors listening to me? Yes. Do they still seem to retain their earthly personalities? Yep.

So, I asked them to talk to me in my dreams rather than when I'm awake thinking that I would be able to sleep in mornings. Well, they did show me some things last night in my dreams, but they didn't let me sleep. Actually, I was awakened even earlier. 4:45am to be exact. That's okay because they are just being themselves and I feel that we have a lot of work to do.

I am still very excited about this journey and even excited about being omo Osun now that I understand more about her. The way that most people portrayed her wasn't very palatable to me, but lucky for you, I am going to teach you as I learn. You can't know the "deep things" because that isn't just for the curious, but I am looking to correct some things about The Mother of the Sweet Water.

Last night's roller coaster ride!

E kaaro Iyas and Babas! 

So yesterday I set up the Egun shrine and I left the candle burning. I feel like I have been traveling all night. The sista (omo Oya) that is helping and teaching me more about Ifa is out of town at Black August/Happily Natural. Yesterday, I so wanted to talk to her to tell her that I set everything up, but I missed her call and didn't realize it until late last night. When I went to bed I had a dream(s) that I was surrounded by egun, but it was more of an impression than something I could see. I just knew they were there and it was like we were meeting each other. Then I was suddenly in Atlanta in some club and could see the sista in something like a club full of people. It was like the dream was going back and forth between the two things. At one point I was back in my room and had the impression that she was there. I asked her how she got here and she said, "Astral projection. You said you wanted me to come see the shrine. Good job." Then I heard two big knocks on what sounded like a HUGE door. I looked at the clock and it was 5:13 and I immediately added the numbers, which I never do, and got 9 which is Oya's number. I got up and tended the altar. 

Whoa! That was interesting...

Guess what I did!!!

E pele O people! Well, I have fulfilled my goals for the day. I have cleaned and cleansed my room and that is wonderful, however, it isn't what I am REALLY excited about. I set up my Egun Shrine! Yes, I did it! It was such a beautiful experience. I finally felt connected with them. I started crying and was really caught off guard by how emotional I was because I have always felt really estranged from my egun. I am so excited to be able to tend to them as they have tended to me all this time without my knowing. I am the only person in my family to my knowledge that is doing this so I hope the egun can have all that they need through me until somebody else in the family is open to hearing from them. I am practicing from the standpoint of Ifa/Yoruba as they are really close to where my DNA results put my egun and I have always felt drawn to that tradition. I have a desire to erect a shrine outside eventually, but until then they are being kept close to me. Now, I want to learn to cast obi to make sure that they are pleased with the shrine that I have put together. Any input on this subject is welcome.

Morning Appointment

I had to leave a little early to take Mari to camp because I had to get gas. I took my own advice and did it with a good attitude although I didn't want to have to stop. As we pulled into the gas station Mari and I were talking and laughing when I saw a familiar face. He came walking up to the car with a warm smile and I remember the many times our paths had crossed. We'd even shared a meal once. Who was he? He was a homeless man that used to be on the corner of a very busy intersection in Charlotte. When did we share a meal? Well, here's the short version:

One Sunday morning I woke up thinking about what I wanted to eat from Bojangle's. I thought about it all through church service. After church I was finally able to get the food and my mouth was watering. I didn't even eat any fries out of the bag on the way home, because I wanted this to be perfect. Afterall, I'd been thinking about it all day. As I sat at the light, I heard God tell me to give this man my food. Of course this must be the devil speaking, because I really wanted this food. LOL Of course I gave it to him. As I drove away I looked in my rear view mirror to see him literally devouring the meal.

Anyway, this morning I greeted him as I did on numerous occasions. As usual he didn't seem to remember me and as usual it didn't matter. I'd already decided to do what I could which wasn't a lot, because I ain't balling this week either. This time, however, he asked for gas. He said that he and his fiance were riding around on "E". I said I would help. I paid for his gas and mine, luckily their car was small. When I returned to my truck he came over to thank me with a handshake. He told me that he was trying to do better and was looking for a job. I just smiled knowing that he didn't owe me any explanation for being in a rough spot. He talked about his fiance and how he had hit the jackpot by meeting her. I congratulated him with true happiness. He moved in to hug me and I must admit that I did have thoughts of lice and such being that I am a germaphobe and bugaphobe. I hugged him, because I've been in a similar situation as his and didn't want to be so arrogant as to forget what it's like. He has no teeth, wild hair, but somehow the happiest eyes.

I had a morning appointment and it was with an old friend whose name I do not know.

Ajoke is the best!

Ajoke is the sista that has been teaching me somethings and sometimes just talking to me. She is a wonderful person that takes my mind/spirit to places that I didn't know it could go. I am having to learn how not to over think things and just listen. I am really excited about connecting with my egun (ancestors), although I must admit that I am nervous. We have so much in common and one day I look forward to meeting her in person. She is truly a force to be reckoned with. She is omo Oya (a child of Oya) and guesses that I am also which would be a great privilege because I have always had a deep and abiding love for Oya. In my very short previous experience with Ifa, Oya was the orisha that I connected most with although I didn't know much about her. I still don't know a lot, but that's okay because I am learning. I wish Ajoke could talk to me and teach me everyday because I have a lot of catching up to do. Although we are the same age I secretly pray that she will be my godmother when she is done with her initiation. I scared to ask because the answer may not be the one that I seek. I am just so excited about what is in store for my life.

Funny how things happen

This is going to be one of those long story short kind of things. I was raised Christian as you know. When I was Georgia I was exposed for the first time to Afrikan beliefs and such. It was like a whole new world opened up. As with any whole new world there is both good and bad. The bad was that the people that introduced me to it were extremely manipulative and so that put a bad taste in my mouth, but for many reasons I was stuck in the situation. I met a Babalawo, and went to Miami to stay with him in the capacity of a help/CNA while he was sick. In exchanged for my work he taught me a lot. He, however, kept thinking that I should want to marry him (he was 60 or 70 and I was in my early 20s. UGH!) I still loved the culture. Although I went back to church and became a minister I think that I seed was planted. Current day. I have been on FB for a while like most people. Also, like most people, I don't really "know" most of the people that I am friends with. For me that makes sense because if we are really friends I could just call you. Anyway. I was on FB one day and this Sista that I had been FB friends with for a while said something to me. We never really talked before that, we just crossed paths. That day has changed my life. We have so much in common and she is just wonderful to me. I know that she is a God send. I don't know how long she is supposed to be in my life, but I will learn all I can while she is here.

It's funny to me how things came full circle, because she practicing Ifa and is training to be a priestess I believe. I have really found a sister in her and it feels like a coming home. The only problem now is that I have allowed myself to become scared of everything and so I am very timid with a lot of decisions that I know need to be made. It's okay, because like somebody said in my honesty box on FB, "you are growing", and I am. Everyday, with every decision. I am getting stronger and more confident. My only hold up know is that if I am initiated to priestess I will have to wear white for a year I think and then my Mama will know what I am doing. I know that I have to follow my own path even if it flies in the face of everything everyone around me believes in, but that is easier said than done most times.

Just thought I would post an update.

Dr. John Henrik Clark

Baba Clark has now joined the egun, but he has left MUCH knowledge and wisdom behind.

Satan?

I have been rethinking everything that I have been taught to believe. I am revisiting all of those long held beliefs that have become so much a part of who I am that until know I have neglected to actually think about them at all. I simply accepted them. One of those beliefs has to do with Satan.

I come from a Christian background as I have said before and so hell and Satan are a part of my foundational beliefs. Tonight my sun asked me if the devil really had a pitchfork and horns. I said that I didn't know. Then I asked him if the devil really existed. He said that he did. I asked him how he knew and he said that he knew because he is really smart. While I agree that my son is really smart, I'm not so sure that I believe in the existence of a devil. If I do, it would be for the purpose of balancing out the traditional belief of God. You can't have a God without a devil in most religions. They serve their purpose and are not necessarily to be hated. After all, they make God look that much better. Polarity helps us to appreciate both sides just that much more. What is sun without rain, light without dark, good without bad, man without woman, child without elder, etc? They are nothing at all without their polar opposite and in many ways would cease to exist.

When I look back at Christianity I find that most of time hell and the devil were used to keep us in fear. Very similarly in history people have used similar stories of monsters of the night/woods to keep children from wondering off.

I my opinion, I have found that the devil is simply a scapegoat. He is blamed for stuff that simply can't be his fault. You will hear Christian cliches like the devil stealing people's joy, messing with finances, destroying families, causing preachers kids to act out, etc. Not likely. Upon closer inspection, you will see that we are responsible for all these things if they occur in our lives. If the devil exist, he is at best a trickster. He simply offers options that may effect our lives in a less than desirable manner.

The reality is that if he does exist, he is no more than an irritant, much like a mosquito or a fly.

Absolute Truth?

First I offer the definitions that I found which seem to be pretty similar across the board

ab·so·lute (bs-lt, bs-lt)
adj.
1. Perfect in quality or nature; complete.
2. Not mixed; pure. See Synonyms at pure.
3.
a. Not limited by restrictions or exceptions; unconditional: absolute trust.
b. Unqualified in extent or degree; total: absolute silence. See Usage Note at infinite.
4. Unconstrained by constitutional or other provisions: an absolute ruler.
5. Not to be doubted or questioned; positive: absolute proof.

truth (trth)
n. pl. truths (trz, trths)
1. Conformity to fact or actuality.
2. A statement proven to be or accepted as true.
3. Sincerity; integrity.
4. Fidelity to an original or standard.
5.
a. Reality; actuality.
b. often Truth That which is considered to be the supreme reality and to have the ultimate meaning and value of existence.

I was watching Sanford & Son when this advertisement for a particular ministry came on. One of the phrases that flashed across the screen was "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". For some reason the question for came to my mind, shamefully for the first time. What is absolute truth and how do we know? I will suppose that most understand that truth stands until other proof is offered. Examples are that before there were true understanding of things that are now consider scientific many things in nature were considered to be scary monsters. Now we know better. Now barring that understanding what do you know to be an absolute truth. I am asking because there are so many things in my life and understanding that are up in the air right now that I once thought were true. Please don't offer me anything that is easily disputed. This is really important in helping me figure some stuff out.

So easily offended...

Okay, so apparently some folks have been offended by some of my posting either from a religious or racial stance. Know this. Although that I don't agree with every word of every vid I post, I have learned something from them and so feel the need to pass them on. If there is something that you don't like about it by all means say something, but don't do that passive aggressive crap. I like diversity of opinions as I feel that I causes growth. I also know that the truth isn't always easy. I am on a journey trying to learn all the things that I was never afforded the opportunity learn. I have already had people remove me from their FB friend list and ignore my emails, and that's fine as we all have choices, but will not stop me in anyway from searching. Adam and Eve already eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil so thanks to them the information is already out there. LOL Morphius, I'll take the red pill please and asante.

From a racial standpoint
I have been exposed to history solely a European standpoint, as have most of us, for all of my life. As in any other story or argument there are two sides. I am now exploring the other side. The side that explains Afrikans and the who, what, when, where, why, and how of who we were, are, and will be. I don't expect most white folks to fully understand, and I appreciate those that are willing to admit that they don't quite get it. This is where the second principle of Kwanzaa comes in. Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)-To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves, instead of being defined, named, created for and spoken for by others. Sadly though, most Afrikans/African Americans this either don't understand either. Dr. Ray Hagins suggested, in one of his lectures, that people go back and watch the movie "The Matrix" again to illustrate a point. Well, I did just that. I saw it in a totally different light. LOL One thing I know is that some people will choose the blue pill and others of us will take the much more difficult road of taking the blue pill and have everything that we thought we knew called into question.

From a religious stand point
I was raised from day one in a traditional practicing Christian household. I say practicing because I know that most of America considers themselves Christian, but don't do anything that is "required". Anyhoo, I have ALWAYS had questions about what I was being taught as there was much contradiction between words spoken and deeds performed. I have always been a little "different" spiritually and was often told that the things that I would experience were "from the devil". I have been delivered often. I have cried and tried. Somewhere in the mix I spent some time in Ga where I was introduced to Afrikan Spiritual Concepts. Until then, I'd never heard of such. Anyway, I started practicing Yoruba/Ifa. I found it quite refreshing to be around people that lived by their beliefs and "rules". I liked both the structure and freedom. Sounds weird, but there was a balance of both which seems to be true of most indigenous religions. When I returned home I returned to church. I answered "a call to preach" so I have been a licensed minister although unordained. That still wasn't enough for some, although my parents were quite proud to say the least. I still never felt quite at home although I had known most of the people in this church from the age of about 1 or 2 years old. All that to say, I just like truth. I am all for faith, but there is a difference between faith and outright lies, misuse, and abuse. I can honestly say that I don't know what I believe and I am okay with that. It's a journey and for the first time I am not speaking in cliches and regurgitating the same unfounded beliefs over and over. I am all for learning so if you have something for me by all means teach me but don't judge me. Talk to me, but don't insult. In this journey learn to "eat them meat and throw away the fat" like my Mama says. Take the knowledge you need and discard any untruths that are mixed in.

If you are religious, then God bless you. If you are an atheist, then stay balanced. Either way, I still love you, but I love truth more.

A ton of questions for y'all

Could it be that God set everything in order the way that it should be at creation and equipped us with everything that we need? I'm wondering because for us to be the most intelligent of all God's creation (theoretically) why does the rest of the other creation know use food and water the heal themselves and other things that seem to come naturally. They know to be in tune with what is going on in all of nature to keep everything in balance. They know that you save up in times of plenty to prepare for lean times, and not to kill more than they can eat. They have figured all of this out with their "lower functioning brains". If we were given everything that we need for our lives from the beginning why do we continually put everything in his court?

If we were not given everything that we need, how much were we given? How do we apply what we are given? Are we held responsible when we screw things up? You know how you hold you children accountable, but you still know that it takes them more than one time to learn or unlearn a behavior or task correctly?

Who or what is God to you? What do you feel like God controls in the world or in your life? Do you think God is male, female, both, or neither? Where do you feel that angels, demons, and/or minor deities fit in? What about the trinity/triad (Christian, Egyptian, or other)? I just want to know what you all think since all of you are so different.

I do plan of responding and you are free to do so with each other, but I will say in the beginning that this will be kept respectful. I really hope that you give your input even if you only respond to this initial post. This is really important to me, so please be honest and clear. Asante sana/thank you very much in advance.

President Barak Obama--Some of y'all gone be mad...

Let me just get straight to it. Barak Obama--the African American President of the United States of America is not and will not be the savior of the African American people. I was as happy as anyone else when we were able to get some African DNA in the White House, but I never fool myself into believing that he was going to be some type of Moses. I was also not fooled into thinking that suddenly we were living in a post-racial colorblind America. If he was anything close to being "down for the people" i.e. a revolutionary he would NOT be in the White House. Even if in his heart of hearts his deepest desire was to save the African people from the foolishness we deal with on a daily basis in the country as Afrikans, and couldn't and wouldn't. Why? Two reasons. Because he is the President of a whole country and he didn't really live "the black experience" so contrary to what many believe he is somewhat distant from our plight. This country has NEVER treated us equally as a people. NEVER. It never will. Although Jesse Jackson has made a fool of himself repeatedly he was at least outwardly down for the cause. He has clearly taken a side most of his life, so we knew that he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of being elected to office. Is President Obama a good President? Yes. Is he a good revolutionary. No. Did he ever claim to be? No. So stop trying to make him out to be something he's not. It is up to us to teach our own children the truth. It is up to us to fight with truth. It is up to us to practice Nguzo Saba and Ma'at daily. He is a politician and who happens to be a good person, father, husband, and whatever else, but he is not Harriet Tubman, Dr. Martin Luther King (who later questioned his fight for integration), Malcolm X, Stokely Carmichael, or anyone else in OURstory that was willing to fight and die for our truth and freedom. "A change we can believe in" wasn't referring to our struggle in this country, because that would be a change that I would simply find unbelievable.

Teaching symbols of Kwanzaa.

Listen, you'll be surprised what you'll learn.

Pissed off Afrikans

Why oh why are you so pissed off Afrikan? Why is it that we can't talk to each other and disagree intelligently not sarcastically? Now, I know this sound strange coming from me because I find that sarcasm used appropriately can be quite an entertaining art form, however, when we speak to each other with such nastiness and anger we are no better than the European that initially introduced us to individualism and selfish ways. Just because you have knowledge that you believe to be the end-all be-all doesn't mean that you have a right to be condescending to your kindred. If you want to each-one-teach-one, you must be teachable and reachable. We have enough wounds and damage to last a lifetime without stabbing and biting at each other.

Beautiful Sista

Yesterday the Creator was so good to me. I had just the right client at just the right time. I haven't seen her since like June last year I think, but she came when she was supposed to. We talked about all the changes that we have experienced over the time and I was able to ask her questions now that I see things more clearly. She was a part of my process and I am grateful.
She asked me who I talk to about my spiritual journey and I told her that I don't talk to anyone but my husband in person. The other sisters that I confide in are on FB and some ning accounts. That seems kind of sad, but I think it is as it should be for right now.

What do I believe so far? Changed due to new thoughts.

This is copied from a former post and as I have continued to learn I have changed some things. Everything in bold italic is new.

1. I believe there is a higher being that created all this stuff we see and don't see and the stuff we know about and don't know about.
2. I believe that either the being is asexual or is represented in both the male and female and thus represents the balance that we see all around us.
3. Although I was raised a Christian I no longer believe that Christianity is an original belief and know that it was plagiarized from ancient Kemetian beliefs.
   
4. I don't believe that religions should be advertised as historical truths if they are not able to be proven with the same standards that all other history is proven. I'm not so sure how I feel about this anymore. What I think now is that they don't need to prove their history as if it were a social studies lesson. They shouldn't, however, have stolen ideas, artifacts, etc and claim them as their own. You should never lie or use scare tactics to get someone to believe as you do.
5. I don't believe that spirituality has to fit into a particular religion. Ancient religions mostly believed that you follow the beliefs of your ancestors--whoever they are. If you are of mixed heritage then you may incorporate different aspects from the various cultures. I now know this because I went to see Native American exhibition and was SO MOVED by the drumming, acknowledgment of nature, and the ancestors. Beautiful.
6. Religions can bring either comfort or conflict or both. Religions do both, but spirituality on brings comfort because we would all be going to same direction but using different paths.
7. I don't think that people should practice religions that don't adequately reflect who they are (ie female, African, etc.)
8. I don't believe that you can experience the creator through the eyes of another. I should've said that you can't have your experience with the creator through someone else, but you can experience the creator through they eyes of another. You just have to make sure that you don't try and make their experience yours.
9. I believe that we are divinely connected, because we are divinely created.
10. I believe that a knowledge an appreciation for nature is a very necessary part of understanding the Creator. 
11. Any religion the claims to know the Creator, but doesn't teach it's followers to take care of their bodies and the earth is false or at the very least disconnected.

I will make changes as I grow. Grow with me.

Matriarichal vs Patriarichal...or balance?

The matriarchal vs patriarchal views have seeming been a discussion since almost the beginning of time. I have just recently begun to learn about thinking of things from different points of view. Things are generally not the way that they are presented to you and so you MUST ask questions.

I was thinking the other day about no matter how they try to rationalize patriarchy in government or positions of power, it just doesn't prove true. I reading an African historical fiction set in a patriarchal society, and in one part of the book the people had a saying that "Mother is supreme". The character who has multiple wives and children was asked why he thought they had this saying in their village. Of course the character was clueless as most men even now would be. He was told that the reason was that when we are in need or in trouble we always return to mother. All that to say this, our lives begin and end with mother. Now, I will be honest with you, I am a woman that is extremely close to her mother. I will drop you where you stand if you mess with my Mama, but my dad...not so much. They are married and have been for about 34 years, but I have come to a realization lately. My father and I don't get along. I was a dawta when he wanted a sun and I have never thought he liked me. Well, the truth is it started when I was 11 or 12. He just wasn't there and didn't do the things a dad should do. Until recently I kept holding out thinking that God was going to fix all that was wrong with us. I hoped that my forgiving him, being nice and avoiding certain conversations would gradually help us overcome our disconnection, but NOPE! I have decided that our relationship will probably never be anything more than what it is and that's fine. I am my mother's child. I have always been closer to her, she raised me because emotionally my father was absent, and she taught me how to love others. Most people I know are closer to their mothers and their mother's family.

At the root of is all, we do live in a matriarchal society, but the matriarchs simply don't get the credit. Everyday fathers walk away and nobody says anything. If a mother walks away we all search our hearts and minds to figure out what was wrong with her. I'm not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination, because in my house I like to practice balance. My husband and I are different, but equal. We are sun and moon, because the earth (children) would perish if either was to get to far from them. That said, I enjoy the set up my husband and I have, but unfortunately everyone doesn't believe that way and so things remain imbalanced. I don't know why the sexes are so at odds. The truth is that without the other we are imbalanced and can't even survive as a race/culture. Peace. Love. Balance.

Why couldn't we just stick with the way our ancestors did things before colonization and indoctrination?

Psalm 82 & Yoruba

Reading Psalm 82 once again a human is referred to as a god. Now, I realize that the lower-case "g" differentiates this from the upper-case "G" God. I am reading a book right now about Yoruba which explains that some of the Orisa (deities/gods) used to be human similarly the Kemetians held similar beliefs. What then, is the difference between the beliefs at points which concern gods, angels, Orisha, or Pharaohs? They all held to some deity outside of one central God. Okay, so I hear you. Christians don't worship humans in any form as God. Okay, but wouldn't Christianity still be technically polytheistic? How? The trinity (a word that appears nowhere in scripture). Yes, Christ said, "I and the father are one", but he said it while physically standing on earth and later implied that his followers were part of that oneness also. What the heck does that mean? I find it strange that all of this stuff makes sense to some weird degree surrounded by like thinking people, but when you are alone to question what went on, it suddenly becomes very nonsensical. I guess in my absence from church and being instructed what to think, I have begun to find that religions have more in common than they care to admit.

Perfection?

Is God perfect or just smarter and wiser than us by leaps and bounds? This question came me because I kept trying to wrap my mind around how a perfect being to make 2 sets of beings (angels and humans) and both of the creations have glitches. Remember the "devil" was supposed to be the best of the best, but then he wanted to take God's place. Then Adam and Eve messed up by listening to the aforementioned "devil". Now all of this is said to have happened due to our free choice option.
I wrote a paper in my philosophy class on free choice. I, at the time, was seeing the world through Christian glasses. I felt confident stating such at the beginning of my paper as free choice was always a last ditch effort to explain things that we couldn't find validation for. Of course it was second only to "God's ways are higher than our ways and His thought's than our thoughts". Anyhoo, as I wrote and looked up scripture to support the claim that we did have free will, I was baffled by the contradictions. It was so confusing. I could almost smell my brain frying as I tried to sort out what I was reading. This, after all, was a philosophy class not bible study. I was not going to be supported by like thinkers in this situation, but rather I was prove my stance beyond reasonable doubt. Well, needless to say, my paper ended in my conceding defeat because I was unable to prove anything with the book written by multiple authors, at multiple times in history, compiled by multiple editors.

Internal vs. External Locus IMHO

My husband and I were talking about this topic the other night and I thought I'd share it with you all. I'm going to give the definitions in my own words, but feel free to research it yourself as I found it to be rather interesting. This view is taken from psychology rather than a religious stance so keep that in mind.

If you are a person that operates from the stance on internal locus you would be a person that believes that you are in control of the things that go on around you. If you are need money, you will take responsibility and what needs to be done. You believe that you pretty much control how your life turns out. If you are a person that operates from the stance of external locus you would be a person that believes that God, the gods, the fates--essentially everything determines your outcome except for you. If you need money you will pray for it, believe God for it, even tithe for it, but it may never cross your mind to stop spending more than you make or go get another job.

This conversation was really interesting in that we found that people can normally be sorted more into one category than the other. My husband is probably more external locus, although he seems to be changing and I am more internal locus. He probably prays more than I do and I think he always has. I do pray, but it is usually to give thanks and that's about it. I rarely pray that God will do a particular thing for me, because I generally see that I have been given the tools to do whatever it is myself. Let me clarify.

I come from a Christian background where I learned to "lean and depend on Jesus" and "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path." Now, generally you were not actually expected to listen to God. I, like many, learned to listen to the preacher and everybody else but God. I have come to the point that I do believe in God, not because I can prove God's existence, but because I just do. Anyway, I believe that we are equipped with everything that we need to heal ourselves, make money/barter/make a living, grow food, etc. yet people are continually praying for these things. I don't believe anyone is solely internal or external, but we tend to be one more than the other. I have also found that these two categories of people tend not to agree. I look at people that are constantly putting things "in God's hands" and wonder if it has a root of laziness. It comes across the same as a child that doesn't want to take responsibility for their lives. Their behavior is found to be acceptable because it is deemed spiritual, but if we change the target from God to a person we would most likely say that they are lazy and irresponsible. When I had migraines all the time I prayed and prayed. No relief. I researched the various causes, adjusted my diet and found relief. I give thanks to God for putting the healing herbs, fruits, and vegetables in the earth to heal me. IMO, the Creator has given us tools, instructions, minds, and spirits to guide us so why do we keep going back looking to the Creator to do it for us. If your 12 year old child came and said, "Mommy, I pooped in my clothes." and waited for you to clean them up and change their clothes you would look at them like they were crazy. Why? Because you taught them how to avoid that situation and at the very least how to handle it if they did have an accident. Either way they shouldn't have to come to you for that particular type of assistance. You have, by that point hopefully, taught that child all they need to know to handle it.

My fear in being more of an internal locus person is that I will intellectualize to the point of loosing my spiritual connection, but I am also terrified of going back to being so much of an external locus that I sit with my hands folded waiting on other things and people to determine my lot in life. I once took a philosophy class and chose as my exam paper to write about free will. I was suppose to choose my stance and defend it. I thought this was going to be easy and clearly stated that I was going to be coming from a Christian standpoint. I was going to use scriptures and everything. LOL Well, let me tell you. If you want to argue that we have freewill, the Bible in context, supports it. If you want to argue that everything is predestined and in God's hands, well the Bible will support that too. You can support both arguments while using the scriptures in context. That realization is what I think began my awakening. I had the right to choose what I was going to believe. I was never afforded such luxuries in childhood and like most sheople (sheep+people) I had no idea what critical thinking was--much less how to utilize it.

I am proof that it is possible to change from one to the other, although I would have to suggest that if you are going to choose a direction I would suggest going from internal to external. People that are of external locus tend to be the passive complainers that wait for someone or something else to change their situations. The internal locus folks loose friends, insight angers and passions, but all the while causing both change and revolution. Sorry that this was so one sided, blame it on my internal locus.

What are your thoughts on this?

Who am I?

I'm a dawta when my father would've rather had a sun. I'm an extraordinarily powerful wombman that thought I was merely somebody's Mama and wife. I am the Priestess of my home and my words are powerful enough to kill, bring life, bless, or curse. I am wise enough to listen more than I speak and grant wisdom to those in need. I am able to bring joy and laughter those I love and protect them from those that mean us no good. I am a wombman. I am the gate keeper for all that enters the universe and have lifted song and prayer for many as they have left the earth realm. I am divine.

What do I believe so far?

1. I believe there is a higher being that created all this stuff we see and don't see and the stuff we know about and don't know about.
2. I believe that either the being is asexual or is represented in both the male and female and thus represents the balance that we see all around us.
3. Although I was raised a Christian I no longer believe that Christianity is an original belief and know that it was plagiarized from ancient Kemetian beliefs.
   
4. I don't believe that religions should be advertised as historical truths if they are not able to be proven with the same standards that all other history is proven.
5. I don't believe that spirituality has to fit into a particular religion.
6. Religions can bring either comfort or conflict or both.
7. I don't think that people should practice religions that don't adequately reflect who they are (ie female, African, etc.)
8. I don't believe that you can experience the creator through the eyes of another. 
9. I believe that we are divinely connected, because we are divinely created.
10. I believe that a knowledge an appreciation for nature is a very necessary part of understanding the Creator. 
11. Any religion the claims to know the Creator, but doesn't teach it's followers to take care of their bodies and the earth is false or at the very least disconnected.
    

Let me be clear...

This is a blog that is going to deal with my journey to spiritual understanding. Due to some truths being race specific, I will make it clear from the beginning that this is for African American eyes only. I don't consider myself racist, but I simply don't feel as though everything should be discussed in mixed company.
Asante, and I hope you enjoy traveling this journey with me.