I was driving down the road the other day and realized in a very strong way that the police DO NOT make me feel safe at all. I knew this in a conscious-raise-your fist-power-to-the-people-the-police-are-the-biggest-gang-in-Amerikkka kind of way, but I don't think it was REAL to me.
I was driving with the windows down, breeze blowing through the car which was loaded down with children. I was enjoying the day and totally care free until I saw the white and blue car pull in behind me. Suddenly, I'm thinking of every reason he could create to stop me. I thought of how no matter what I said in a court of law, it wouldn't mean anything if he spoke to the contrary. I thought of the fact that he could shoot me dead in front of everybody on E. WT Harris Blvd and my death probably wouldn't even make the news. My heart raced. I fought the feelings of fear that caused me to sweat. I realized then, that they are the klan in blue polyester. I realized that they no longer needed to hide their faces because they whiled do much power. I realized that even the ones that look like me are just the modern day version of the snitches that told about the revolts before they could happen. The difference is that back then we would have killed them
If this institution causes this much fear in me, why would I tell my children to trust them? Why would I call them to my house for a dispute? Why would I trust them to inform me of the law when they arrest people for laws they create on the spot? Secretly, I cheer for the misinform warriors who gun them down for being in their hood at the wrong time of night. I daydream of training and teaching them to revolt with a purpose. We have been taught to mourn their deaths while ignoring the deaths they cause.
It's 2011 and that blue uniform provokes the same fear that those white sheets and white did for my ancestors...that is until they learned how to fight back...
Please take a look at this link
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
My Beautiful Trip to the Grocery Store...
I was getting my few items from the grocery store shelves, when I noticed a sista crying. She kept her head turned away from people. Although everything in me wanted to hug her, listen to her, and comfort her I knew this this time was not that time.
As I stood in the line, I heard the familiar sniffing and decided that the least I could do was leave my change like I usually do. Maybe, that would me both of us feel a little better. As the manager came over to handle a problem from a previous customer, we began to talk like we always do. I wasn't paying attention and neither was the tearful sista behind me and the cashier rang up some of her food with my order. The thunder cracked, the lightening flashed, and I "Kawo-ed" as the cashier tried to remove her items from my order. His nerves were already shot from the issue he had with the customer before me. I gently touched his arm and asked, "Are you having a problem removing her items from my order?" He answered nervous and frustrated, "Yes, but I can get it off." I patted him and said, "Just leave it on there. It's fine. Don't even worry about it." He looked confused as I walked away.
I laughed when I noticed all the coiffed and weaved sistas waiting for their men to bring the cars around. I listened to them yelling because the brothas couldn't get the car as close as they wanted. I listened as the rain pounded the cars sounding like steel drum melodies. I strolled pass them all thinking, "I'm shole glad I got good hair." That's what I say when it rains, and I am loving the fact that I no longer fear it because my hair is fly whether wet or dry. I stepped into the rain, and my shoes became a slippery hindrance. Because the rain had washed the ground clean I stopped between all the hollerin' brothas and sistas fighting for parking spaces to avoid the rain. I bent down and removed my shoes, retucked my lapa, and strolled to my car. I strolled. I didn't rush, not...one...bit. I let it wash me clean. I let it bless me. I let it revive me. I watched a brotha in socks and flip flops hip hop through puddles, all the while I was thinking,"You can't win. Just take off your shoes and sanctify this ground." As I got in the truck. I reflected on the beautiful simplicity that I'd just experienced. I prayed for rain to water my revive my garden. Who knew I it would revive my soul? Ase
Dreaming again...
So, I used to dream these really vivid dreams when I was young. Sometimes they were scary, sometimes warnings, sometimes really pleasant, and sometimes they were just neutral like my regular life. Some of the church folk I grew up around little by little taught me not to trust myself (ori) or my dreams (don't know who helps out with dreams). They would say it with glances of disbelief, "awww, that doesn't mean anything", or "That's the devil talking to you, don't answer!". Whatever the case I learned to ignore the various ways Spirit tried to speak. I learned to sleep with the television on, the radio on, or even sleep in something uncomfortable if the dreams had been scary.
Fast forward
I'd gone to Miami to stay for 2 weeks with a Babalawo, which you've probably seen me mention in other posts. When I was there, I was back to my old dreaming vision having self. It was so exciting. It was like a paralyzed person being able to get up and run again! Then eventually I went back to church. At first it was okay because the new pastor believed in all that stuff. She didn't try to control it or suppress it. It was cool. Then what always happens around me happened again. She changed. She wanted to control me. She didn't want to really teach me anymore, she just wanted me to sit, be quiet, and not say anything to anybody about anything. Even if I felt, deeply, like I was supposed to. No reason given. Anyhoo, so I started using my tactics to suppress the dreams and visions the best way I could. At first it wasn't working, but eventually it did. By the time I saw her for what she was and saw the construct of the institutionalized church for what it was, it was too late. I'd put an entire side of myself to sleep. I was a walking spiritual zombie.
Fast forward
Ifa has pulled me in. I'm settling in. I had a bump in the road, but I'm still here. It's a beautiful path and I'm happy. The one problem? I'm not really dreaming and not having ANY visions. Talked to Iya about it, and she's encouraging and teaching me. Slowly the dreams start to come back. I'd forgotten that when I was *ignorantly practicing Ifa before that the dreams had become really physical. Like I was simply living my life in two different realms. If I got hurt in one realm I had bruise or sore in this realm. Well, I have been reminded of this recently. I haven't gotten hurt in a dream yet, but I have gotten shocked in a dream only to wake up still feeling the affects, and I have gotten up with skin sensitivity issues from strong energies being literally thrown at me. So all that to say that I do feel as though dreams are real. Real in the sense that because deep sleep is so close to death, we are able to leave our bodies and go to other realms. I'm so past caring about you thinking I'm crazy so don't bother posting any comments like that. I travel in my dreams and even tend to frequent certain places with the same people. The dreams are not reoccurring. They are continuing.
Anyway, last night was the second night of dreaming that someone was trying to get to me in a negative way. I woke up wide awake and although my husband was going to let me sleep in I got up. It was 5:42am trust me, I don't willing get up that hour for anybody. I kept laying there trying to figure the dream out so I didn't call nagging Iya again. I realized that I have to pay attention to the CONNECTIONS that people have with one another. If I can't trust one person, then I have to pay attention to the people connected to them also as birds of a feather tend to flock together.
My dreams save me from a lot when I can understand them and when I pay attention. Like the one yesterday and this morning taught me about trust. I am naturally a very trusting person and pretty quick to forgive. This, for me, means that I get hurt a lot and caught off guard. I'm ALWAYS shocked when somebody does something mean to me. My first thought it ALWAYS, "...but what did I do to them to make them treat me like that?". Then time passes and I have to fight like hell to keep from forgiving and FORGETTING. For whatever reason, however, my dreams stick with me. I think it's because I feel like it is SPIRIT warning me and so I have to respect it more. I have to learn, however, that Spirit also works through my Ori when I'm awake, so I shouldn't have to get my nerves torn to shreds in a dream to get it.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading. Didn't intend on making this post this long...
*meaning I wasn't really learning anything. I was only doing what I was told, but wasn't being taught the meanings and such.
Fast forward
I'd gone to Miami to stay for 2 weeks with a Babalawo, which you've probably seen me mention in other posts. When I was there, I was back to my old dreaming vision having self. It was so exciting. It was like a paralyzed person being able to get up and run again! Then eventually I went back to church. At first it was okay because the new pastor believed in all that stuff. She didn't try to control it or suppress it. It was cool. Then what always happens around me happened again. She changed. She wanted to control me. She didn't want to really teach me anymore, she just wanted me to sit, be quiet, and not say anything to anybody about anything. Even if I felt, deeply, like I was supposed to. No reason given. Anyhoo, so I started using my tactics to suppress the dreams and visions the best way I could. At first it wasn't working, but eventually it did. By the time I saw her for what she was and saw the construct of the institutionalized church for what it was, it was too late. I'd put an entire side of myself to sleep. I was a walking spiritual zombie.
Fast forward
Ifa has pulled me in. I'm settling in. I had a bump in the road, but I'm still here. It's a beautiful path and I'm happy. The one problem? I'm not really dreaming and not having ANY visions. Talked to Iya about it, and she's encouraging and teaching me. Slowly the dreams start to come back. I'd forgotten that when I was *ignorantly practicing Ifa before that the dreams had become really physical. Like I was simply living my life in two different realms. If I got hurt in one realm I had bruise or sore in this realm. Well, I have been reminded of this recently. I haven't gotten hurt in a dream yet, but I have gotten shocked in a dream only to wake up still feeling the affects, and I have gotten up with skin sensitivity issues from strong energies being literally thrown at me. So all that to say that I do feel as though dreams are real. Real in the sense that because deep sleep is so close to death, we are able to leave our bodies and go to other realms. I'm so past caring about you thinking I'm crazy so don't bother posting any comments like that. I travel in my dreams and even tend to frequent certain places with the same people. The dreams are not reoccurring. They are continuing.
Anyway, last night was the second night of dreaming that someone was trying to get to me in a negative way. I woke up wide awake and although my husband was going to let me sleep in I got up. It was 5:42am trust me, I don't willing get up that hour for anybody. I kept laying there trying to figure the dream out so I didn't call nagging Iya again. I realized that I have to pay attention to the CONNECTIONS that people have with one another. If I can't trust one person, then I have to pay attention to the people connected to them also as birds of a feather tend to flock together.
My dreams save me from a lot when I can understand them and when I pay attention. Like the one yesterday and this morning taught me about trust. I am naturally a very trusting person and pretty quick to forgive. This, for me, means that I get hurt a lot and caught off guard. I'm ALWAYS shocked when somebody does something mean to me. My first thought it ALWAYS, "...but what did I do to them to make them treat me like that?". Then time passes and I have to fight like hell to keep from forgiving and FORGETTING. For whatever reason, however, my dreams stick with me. I think it's because I feel like it is SPIRIT warning me and so I have to respect it more. I have to learn, however, that Spirit also works through my Ori when I'm awake, so I shouldn't have to get my nerves torn to shreds in a dream to get it.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading. Didn't intend on making this post this long...
*meaning I wasn't really learning anything. I was only doing what I was told, but wasn't being taught the meanings and such.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Hand of Ifa Weekend
Let me first say that I am changed forever. The weekend of May 20th my husband and I received our Hand of Ifa. I short, you receive some information about yourself that helps you to develop further in the tradition and you also receive the tools to continue to stay in contact with the necessary energies. I don't really feel comfortable saying much more than that because I already feel as though too much information in just kinda hanging around in cyber space.
I would, however, like to speak on the beauty of the experience.
Community/Family
We all learned something about what real community and family looks like. We arrived and got lost in the neighborhood and Iya and Yeye (both mean mother but that's what we stick with for differentiation) came to rescue us. When I saw Iya's face I was SO EXCITED!!! I immediately knew I was home. When we got to the house they had bought food from a Senegalese restaurant and didn't ask for a dime. Wait, forgot to tell you. We had only been greeting via verbal instructions. It was a little different, but it felt good to see and do all the bowing. They are so worthy of it. It was wonderful for the children to learn it also. Back to the food. It was delicious. All my vegetarian ways were on hold for the weekend because I thought myself a little haughty to expect someone who is kind enough to feed us to rearrange their eating habits. Plus to be honest, MY IYA CAN COOK!!! OMG!!! If we had stayed any longer I would have been a cow. One thing that my husband loved was that EVERYBODY is EVERY child's Iya and Baba. I didn't have to worry about where they were and what they were doing. They were also very excited to meet Iya's two girls. Let's be honest I was SUPER excited to meet them. They are such wonderful STRONG little women. Olamide even gained a teacher while we were there. They have so much in common and he is a magnificent Awo. Baba Ifakayode's duality shows in a very beautiful way and is a very balanced omo Esu. Honestly he is like the male version of my Iya so I gotta love 'im. Long story short I have a whole new family and I love them all. My heart has been wanting to return since we pulled out of her driveway. We all cried off and on as we left Atlanta.
Culture/Spirituality
We learned A LOT!!! The thing that I really enjoyed is that if you just have a conversation with the people I met you are going to learn SOMETHING. If you are around them and don't learn, it's because you choose ignorance. Once 3 conversations were going on at once and I just walked room to room trying my best to get it all. Yeye is originally from The Continent so I love that. She has a better grip on the actual cultural aspect and I really appreciate that. Plus she is just the bomb when it comes to Ifa. She can explain things in ways that make the most complex idea simply and easy to learn. She is Omo Sango/Osun but also has been initiate to Obatala. The bomb right? Purdy much. Iya is a southern girl by birth, but her heart has the strength of the Congo and the beauty of Ifa. I just love her for every reason and no reason at all. She saved me from a really bad situation so I owe her my life. I am forever in her debt and at her beck-and-call. I loved learning all of the things she taught us. I really love casting obi and tending the shrines. She is a really straight forward in your face kind of teacher. She ain't gone pull no punches. Her strengths are her humility and love for honesty. That's why we get along so well. I know she is safe, because she values the same things I do. She is truly omo Sango/Oya.
That short weekend made me able to go back home and pick up on my reading and have it come alive. Ifa is real to me. I can feel it now. I give thanks. Ase.
I would, however, like to speak on the beauty of the experience.
Community/Family
We all learned something about what real community and family looks like. We arrived and got lost in the neighborhood and Iya and Yeye (both mean mother but that's what we stick with for differentiation) came to rescue us. When I saw Iya's face I was SO EXCITED!!! I immediately knew I was home. When we got to the house they had bought food from a Senegalese restaurant and didn't ask for a dime. Wait, forgot to tell you. We had only been greeting via verbal instructions. It was a little different, but it felt good to see and do all the bowing. They are so worthy of it. It was wonderful for the children to learn it also. Back to the food. It was delicious. All my vegetarian ways were on hold for the weekend because I thought myself a little haughty to expect someone who is kind enough to feed us to rearrange their eating habits. Plus to be honest, MY IYA CAN COOK!!! OMG!!! If we had stayed any longer I would have been a cow. One thing that my husband loved was that EVERYBODY is EVERY child's Iya and Baba. I didn't have to worry about where they were and what they were doing. They were also very excited to meet Iya's two girls. Let's be honest I was SUPER excited to meet them. They are such wonderful STRONG little women. Olamide even gained a teacher while we were there. They have so much in common and he is a magnificent Awo. Baba Ifakayode's duality shows in a very beautiful way and is a very balanced omo Esu. Honestly he is like the male version of my Iya so I gotta love 'im. Long story short I have a whole new family and I love them all. My heart has been wanting to return since we pulled out of her driveway. We all cried off and on as we left Atlanta.
Culture/Spirituality
We learned A LOT!!! The thing that I really enjoyed is that if you just have a conversation with the people I met you are going to learn SOMETHING. If you are around them and don't learn, it's because you choose ignorance. Once 3 conversations were going on at once and I just walked room to room trying my best to get it all. Yeye is originally from The Continent so I love that. She has a better grip on the actual cultural aspect and I really appreciate that. Plus she is just the bomb when it comes to Ifa. She can explain things in ways that make the most complex idea simply and easy to learn. She is Omo Sango/Osun but also has been initiate to Obatala. The bomb right? Purdy much. Iya is a southern girl by birth, but her heart has the strength of the Congo and the beauty of Ifa. I just love her for every reason and no reason at all. She saved me from a really bad situation so I owe her my life. I am forever in her debt and at her beck-and-call. I loved learning all of the things she taught us. I really love casting obi and tending the shrines. She is a really straight forward in your face kind of teacher. She ain't gone pull no punches. Her strengths are her humility and love for honesty. That's why we get along so well. I know she is safe, because she values the same things I do. She is truly omo Sango/Oya.
That short weekend made me able to go back home and pick up on my reading and have it come alive. Ifa is real to me. I can feel it now. I give thanks. Ase.
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