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Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A lesson in Iwa (character)
Okay so this will be the short version as a long story. We went out of town to pick my our daughter and niece up from my other niece's house. We had a really rough morning because of problems with the rental company, price line, lack of cars, etc. From that point everything was down hill. We had some really good moments sprinkled in, but it was still pretty rough.
My husband is omo Obatala so one of their traits is that their thoughts and contemplations can overtake them. They can get so absorbed in their thoughts that nothing else matter except whatever is on their minds. Idk, if they are all this way, but my husband is a problem solver. He is obsessive about it and this was part of the issue yesterday. Because so many things went wrong that he couldn't fix, he started to remind you of a robot that had overloaded their circuits. Toward the end of the trip, even ordering food for the children became a bit much. I said all this to say that when you are aware of the energy carried by a person you can deal with them appropriately, which for me meant shutting up...for the most part.
Long story short (too late) we had to clean the vessels today. Little did we realize that the opposing energy of yesterday had carried over into today. Well, as we began to clean the vessels little snatches of irritation started to show with everybody here and there. I should have stopped everything right there, but I didn't. It ended with tears, fussing, yelling, etc. Whew!!! When it really went bad I was trying to help our Son (omo Ogun) to clean and cast to Ogun. I thought he was cool until I looked at his face. *insert screeching tire sound here* I stopped right there. I didn't want anything going any further.
I talked to my husband first and told him that because Iya always tells us her mistakes so we can learn from them, we had to do the same with the children. We decided to talk to the children about the lesson that we had learned from the gbogbo wahala. What were I lessons without tellin' all our bidness?
My husband is omo Obatala so one of their traits is that their thoughts and contemplations can overtake them. They can get so absorbed in their thoughts that nothing else matter except whatever is on their minds. Idk, if they are all this way, but my husband is a problem solver. He is obsessive about it and this was part of the issue yesterday. Because so many things went wrong that he couldn't fix, he started to remind you of a robot that had overloaded their circuits. Toward the end of the trip, even ordering food for the children became a bit much. I said all this to say that when you are aware of the energy carried by a person you can deal with them appropriately, which for me meant shutting up...for the most part.
Long story short (too late) we had to clean the vessels today. Little did we realize that the opposing energy of yesterday had carried over into today. Well, as we began to clean the vessels little snatches of irritation started to show with everybody here and there. I should have stopped everything right there, but I didn't. It ended with tears, fussing, yelling, etc. Whew!!! When it really went bad I was trying to help our Son (omo Ogun) to clean and cast to Ogun. I thought he was cool until I looked at his face. *insert screeching tire sound here* I stopped right there. I didn't want anything going any further.
I talked to my husband first and told him that because Iya always tells us her mistakes so we can learn from them, we had to do the same with the children. We decided to talk to the children about the lesson that we had learned from the gbogbo wahala. What were I lessons without tellin' all our bidness?
- Don't go to Orisa when you haven't made things right with your family.
- Don't go to Orisa with an expected out come when you cast.
- When you get something that you don't like when casting, don't get mad. Think of it like a parent giving correction to a child and the child getting pissed and thinking that everything is going to be cool. NOT!
- Don't ask questions that you don't want answered. You are not accountable for what your Ori doesn't know.
- Family is your first shrine.
- You are in responsible for your OWN character, you can't blame other people for as some say "taking you out of your character".
I hope you learn something from our lesson. It was rough---real rough, but it was worth it for what came out of it.
Iba ase Esu oooooo!!!
Elders...R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Okay so today I'm going to get my nerve up and talk about eldership. I will look at it from the African American/Diaspora aspect and the traditional aspect. Remember this is only my opinion based on what I have learned so far.
As a youth growing up I was taught many conflicting views on what it meant to be an elder and how to treat elders. On one hand as a small child you had to respect everyone that was considered an adult or that was at least old enough to babysit you. As you came into your teenage years you began to be told that you should respect those that respected you. Now, unless you were a total fool you knew that this, for the most part was not applicable to your close elders (mother, aunts, etc). When I started to have conflict with my father, I had to learn about this mutual respect ideology head on. I have OFTEN felt like my father was disrespecting me as a person in general. He said some very hurtful ugly things to me and then expected respect. He was nice to people outside the family, but then would be mean to us. Now, this is not the whole of who he is, but it's not untrue either. Anyhoo, I took the road of not respecting him to a degree. I did what I was told, but was NEVER happy about it and NEVER did anything extra for him. Now, with my mother, she was always respectful of us and so it was NO problem to give her the same. To this day if my Mama asks me for $5 I will try to give her $10. If she corrects me I humbly accept the wisdom and move on. My behavior is not all that uncommon here in the diaspora. The truth is that many of our elders are simply that, elders, but lack a lot in regard to having standards of behavior. This observation accounts for the foolishness that we see from the generations that they rear. My relationship with my father was directly reflected in my relationships with men.
Yeye (Yeye Lawo Olomitutu) is from Nigeria and has told me that they regard elders based on age.The character or initiation of the Elder can be somewhat irrelevant. Of course I'm sure that on the whole they strive for good and gentle character, but as she has taught me, if they are found lacking you (the junior) are not free to act on that. Meaning that if they curse you completely out you are expected to take it, learn from it, and move forward. Iya (Iyanifa Ifalola Sangoyemi) has always woven lessons on respect for elders into conversations. Often they were very hard pills to swallow, but I took my medicine like a big girl...most of the time. These lessons on an almost blind respect for elders has in many ways saved my relationship with my father. I still draw some boundaries to be honest because I feel the need to protect my family from some of that foolishness, but I do so respectfully. I allow myself some space for learning. I also keep in mind that Ifa has standards that don't care one bit about "how I was raised". Because of this, I have had to take a few classes in humility
There is one more difference here in the diaspora that probably wouldn't happen as much in Nigeria. Here many of us are reconnected to Ifa (ATRs) as adults. This can make figuring out elders an interesting game. Here is an example. I am actually older (by about a year) than my Iya, but she is initiated Sango AND Ifa. Now, 9 times out of 10 that wouldn't have happened if we were raised in the tradition. So natally I am actually her elder, but she is twice initiated mine. As a matter of fact my husband is about 7 years her elder natally, but she's our Iya (mother). Humility, gratefulness, and her old soul make it both easy and a joy to kneel at her feet when we see her. She has literally saved me and brought me to Ifa. The other cool thing is that she, imho, was really old when she transitioned from her last life so she is a really old soul this life. Ifa, looks out for the small things. ;). There is a little boy that might possibly be initiated before me, and guess what? If this happens I will salute him as required by Ifa and expect him to do as he is asked in other regards. This is simply the way things must be navigated with a culture that is trying to play catch up with reconnecting with our roots.
My prayer is that you will read this as one of my on going lessons, not as a reason for division or disagreement with what you may believe. We, as Afrikan Americans, have a very unique experience to put it nicely. We have to make some adjustments at times in regards to our ATRs/DTRs, but in the end we should all find some common lessons. These lessons should be humility, love, gratefulness, truth, honesty, and community.
Again, these are just the humble lessons and opinions of an Ifa baby...
As a youth growing up I was taught many conflicting views on what it meant to be an elder and how to treat elders. On one hand as a small child you had to respect everyone that was considered an adult or that was at least old enough to babysit you. As you came into your teenage years you began to be told that you should respect those that respected you. Now, unless you were a total fool you knew that this, for the most part was not applicable to your close elders (mother, aunts, etc). When I started to have conflict with my father, I had to learn about this mutual respect ideology head on. I have OFTEN felt like my father was disrespecting me as a person in general. He said some very hurtful ugly things to me and then expected respect. He was nice to people outside the family, but then would be mean to us. Now, this is not the whole of who he is, but it's not untrue either. Anyhoo, I took the road of not respecting him to a degree. I did what I was told, but was NEVER happy about it and NEVER did anything extra for him. Now, with my mother, she was always respectful of us and so it was NO problem to give her the same. To this day if my Mama asks me for $5 I will try to give her $10. If she corrects me I humbly accept the wisdom and move on. My behavior is not all that uncommon here in the diaspora. The truth is that many of our elders are simply that, elders, but lack a lot in regard to having standards of behavior. This observation accounts for the foolishness that we see from the generations that they rear. My relationship with my father was directly reflected in my relationships with men.
Yeye (Yeye Lawo Olomitutu) is from Nigeria and has told me that they regard elders based on age.The character or initiation of the Elder can be somewhat irrelevant. Of course I'm sure that on the whole they strive for good and gentle character, but as she has taught me, if they are found lacking you (the junior) are not free to act on that. Meaning that if they curse you completely out you are expected to take it, learn from it, and move forward. Iya (Iyanifa Ifalola Sangoyemi) has always woven lessons on respect for elders into conversations. Often they were very hard pills to swallow, but I took my medicine like a big girl...most of the time. These lessons on an almost blind respect for elders has in many ways saved my relationship with my father. I still draw some boundaries to be honest because I feel the need to protect my family from some of that foolishness, but I do so respectfully. I allow myself some space for learning. I also keep in mind that Ifa has standards that don't care one bit about "how I was raised". Because of this, I have had to take a few classes in humility
There is one more difference here in the diaspora that probably wouldn't happen as much in Nigeria. Here many of us are reconnected to Ifa (ATRs) as adults. This can make figuring out elders an interesting game. Here is an example. I am actually older (by about a year) than my Iya, but she is initiated Sango AND Ifa. Now, 9 times out of 10 that wouldn't have happened if we were raised in the tradition. So natally I am actually her elder, but she is twice initiated mine. As a matter of fact my husband is about 7 years her elder natally, but she's our Iya (mother). Humility, gratefulness, and her old soul make it both easy and a joy to kneel at her feet when we see her. She has literally saved me and brought me to Ifa. The other cool thing is that she, imho, was really old when she transitioned from her last life so she is a really old soul this life. Ifa, looks out for the small things. ;). There is a little boy that might possibly be initiated before me, and guess what? If this happens I will salute him as required by Ifa and expect him to do as he is asked in other regards. This is simply the way things must be navigated with a culture that is trying to play catch up with reconnecting with our roots.
My prayer is that you will read this as one of my on going lessons, not as a reason for division or disagreement with what you may believe. We, as Afrikan Americans, have a very unique experience to put it nicely. We have to make some adjustments at times in regards to our ATRs/DTRs, but in the end we should all find some common lessons. These lessons should be humility, love, gratefulness, truth, honesty, and community.
Again, these are just the humble lessons and opinions of an Ifa baby...
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