Hardwork, Emotional Rollercoaster, & Sister Circle

Ore Yeye o!

So yesterday was such a strange day. First of all I worked 10 hours with no break. When I looked at my schedule the day before I thought, "What the hell did I do to myself?" Osun was with me and not only gave me quick hands and creativity in the midst of being tired, hungry, and getting in a lil misunderstanding with my husband. I am SO grateful, because I was able to pack 2 days of work into 1 day. I was also VERY bless to have a lot of my favorite clients in one day.

So I made mention of a lil misunderstanding with my husband. Of course I won't be giving details, because we both got pretty stank about the whole thing, but there is a lesson that I want to share. I have a less then stellar relationship with my father. Through the teachings of Ifa, Iya, and Yeye I have been able to behave in a way that makes our relationship easier. I know how to handle situations that use to turn ugly with respect. Anyway, in the recent past I had issues with viewing the relationship between my husband and daughter through the lens of my father and myself. I would often take up for her when she was wrong, because I would see her as a victim of a male chauvinist, which my husband is not. She was getting away with emotional and behavioral murder. My husband and I sat down, discussed it, and I decided to trust him and stay out of that lane. He is a good father and hasn't shown any signs of being like my father. Yesterday I heard half of an exchange between them and said something to my husband when I should have waited until later when I wasn't busy. Needless to say, it didn't go well. The lesson is if I had kept my promise and chosen my time to address the situation wisely, we wouldn't have had such a nasty situation. It ended well, because we both saw areas that we need to work on.

Osun ended as she began with showing herself to be a gracious mother. I had a meeting planned to discuss my rites of passage program. 3 women came out to support the effort. It started off with me talking about the different aspects of the program, but in true feminine form it morphed and changed like water. We started talking about our lives past, present, and future. I learned so much about them and myself. I learned how much I need women. I learned how much I need to have my own interests, take time to myself, and find out what types of things I like to do. All these things my sound really selfish, except for the fact that I have a martyrdom complex of some sort. Focusing on myself will actually bring some much needed balance. I don't know how it's going to go, because I have tried in the past and it hasn't gone very well thanks to feelings of guilt. Such is life, we keep trying to get it right until our time here is done.

Ifa-Americanized, Europeanized, Individualized

When I write posts like this I always try to be careful not to step out of place being that I am so young in this culture. I have been thinking about something since we came back from our visit with our Iya , Yeye, Baba 'Fakoyode, and the rest of the Ile.

We took our vessels down to be fed. During a part of the ceremony I watched as Yeye did something that I wouldn've thought was bullshit or a parlor trick had I not seen it myself. I won't mention it here as I don't know if it's appropriate. I was thinking that that kind of Ase can ONLY come from the continent. Not that she can't teach us the same things here as we are ready to learn them, but that the knowledge has to come from the source and must remain unchanged in order to maintain the same amount of Ase. Although she lives in the states, she returns home to Nigeria to continue training from master teachers there.

On FB, there is a group that is basically a mixture of all kinds of African spirituality and even mixes of particular traditions. The more I study the more I realize that we, as children of the diaspora, try to take these traditions and make them our own. The funny thing is that it sounded like a good thing not so long ago. Now, I see more and more that we MUST keep the traditions as they are intended to be kept.

There are reasons that Ifa has morphed into other paths such as Santeria. This was to keep the tradition alive in the face of the HORRIBLE slavery (Maafa) that our ancestors endured. Well, now that it doesn't have to be kept secret anymore, many choose to no longer acknowledge that the source of their Santeria belief is Ifa that originated in Nigeria. Here is an article about it. It would seem that Africa continues to be the mother of ungrateful bastard children that refuse to honor Her as their source.

As most of you know, I don't not glorify integration. There are somethings that are better executed within particular groups, and I do NOT believe that we have to share all of our belief and concepts with each other. We simply should respect them and keep it moving. Think of it like the human body. There are parts of the body that are not to be seen by everyone. They are considered sacred. Why then, do we feel obligated share the secrets of our traditions with people that have constantly/consistently sought to destroy us in the name of integration and belonging? An example of Americanization and Europeanization can be seen here. When I was first trying to find my way, I found that there are a lot of "others" writing about African tradition and cultures and their materials are being mainstreamed while those who are actually able to accurately teach/write are not pushed into the limelight in the same way. I guess everyone many people want to make money and bend Ifa to their own will. This brings me to my next point of individualize practices.

Now, I have learned from my elders that there are certain things that you may be told to do differently from someone else. For example when my husband and I do our morning prayers, it looks different. We teach our children our differences, which are VERY slight and we teach them why we have chosen to do it the way we have. Clearly, this is not the individualism that I am speaking of. I am talking about people who are angry, jaded, or just plain arrogant and have decided that they don't have to learn from anyone, teach anyone, or participate in a community. NOBODY in the world knows all of the mysteries of Ifa so that means that we ALWAYS have more to learn and the way this culture works is that we have teachers. This culture is NOT based on writings as it is an originally an oral tradition. Oral traditions by their very nature mean that you MUST interact with others...a community. We live in NC, but our ile is in Ga. We have been down twice and although we would love to go more often we stay in constant communication, we study a lot with materials suggested by elders, and we double check that information to see if it is the same as what is done in our lineage. The connection that we feel with our Ifa family is unbreakable. We are truly blessed beyond measure. We are truly ride-or-die for each other. As for the teaching, my husband and I are not in an official position to teach, but of course we teach our children whatever we learn. I even teach the concepts I learn in Ifa to others by putting it in plan language. Because Ifa is not a conversion "faith" I've found that no matter who I am talking too and what they believe, unbeknownst to them they find Ifa to be strong and true. ;)

I realize that this post was really long, but I had some thangs on my chest. Please feel free to respond to what has been said if you agree and especially if you don't agree. lol

Yeyelawo Olomitutu

Reposted from FB note:

I woke up with Yeye on my mind. Due to the fact I have been taught to respect elders at all cost I struggled with how to write this and remain respectful. So here goes.

I am being taught both by Yeyelawo Olomitutu and Iya Ifalola Sangoyemi. They have been such a blessing to me and have saved me from many things that I couldn't see with my own eyes, things I could see but was to "young" to comprehend, and even things I refused to see out of stubbornness. They are EXTREMELY strong women, but don't confuse strength with anger or hate. They are very much like the vulture that will prick her own thigh to feed her children the blood.

A lot of the imbalance and disharmony I see going on around me does hurt because I came into this culture with very high expectations that it was going to be all love. As I grow in life I see that is not the case anywhere. I will say, however, that for ME these two women have been salvation. I have only seen humility in them. When they have been wrong on any level, they let us learn from their mistakes. They didn't hide them. Humility responds to humility. Further, I would humbly suggest that humility should be something for all of us to strive for will on this path. It is a integral part of this path.

As for money, like anyone else I don't always have it. Now most times I will just save it up until I have what I need, because I HATE being indebted to ANYONE. There are times, however, when you NEED things done for your own well being and they must be done RIGHT THEN. In this case if  I didn't have the money for something that NEEDED to be done, I was allowed to repay Yeye and I we worked hard to do it in a timely fashion. She never once complained, never once talked about us, she just waited and treated us well. Spirit takes precedence over money. Now is money necessary? Yes, but believe that it won't come before your life or well being at any point. 

The reason that I am writing this is because I woke up with Yeye on my mind. I read somewhere once that when you have good elders that it doesn't fall to them to defend who they are and how they are. It falls to the ones that they have shown their character to. Well Yeye like any other person has her ways, BUT she will fight like hell for the integrity of Ifa to be kept, she will kill for those she loves, and she will sacrifice of herself. These things I have seen. Am I saying she's perfect? Nope, because then I would be lying. She strives from good character daily, especially in a world that I know for myself is hard on strong women. I will say this, however, you don't have to like her. There are a lot of people that don't and the won't like her. You don't even have to respect her, but know that she walks upright in her spiritual life and you would do well to do the same. If not, no matter. It's your funeral.

For all that are reading this, may you have all that you put into the world with both your mouth and actions, in secret and in public returned to you 10 times over. Ase, Ase, Ase o

Yeyelawo Olomitutu

Elders...R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Okay so today I'm going to get my nerve up and talk about eldership. I will look at it from the African American/Diaspora aspect and the traditional aspect. Remember this is only my opinion based on what I have learned so far.

As a youth growing up I was taught many conflicting views on what it meant to be an elder and how to treat elders. On one hand as a small child you had to respect everyone that was considered an adult or that was at least old enough to babysit you. As you came into your teenage years you began to be told that you should respect those that respected you. Now, unless you were a total fool you knew that this, for the most part was not applicable to your close elders (mother, aunts, etc). When I started to have conflict with my father, I had to learn about this mutual respect ideology head on. I have OFTEN felt like my father was disrespecting me as a person in general. He said some very hurtful ugly things to me and then expected respect. He was nice to people outside the family, but then would be mean to us. Now, this is not the whole of who he is, but it's not untrue either. Anyhoo, I took the road of not respecting him to a degree. I did what I was told, but was NEVER happy about it and NEVER did anything extra for him. Now, with my mother, she was always respectful of us and so it was NO problem to give her the same. To this day if my Mama asks me for $5 I will try to give her $10. If she corrects me I humbly accept the wisdom and move on. My behavior is not all that uncommon here in the diaspora. The truth is that many of our elders are simply that, elders, but lack a lot in regard to having standards of behavior. This observation accounts for the foolishness that we see from the generations that they rear. My relationship with my father was directly reflected in my relationships with men.

Yeye (Yeye Lawo Olomitutu) is from Nigeria and has told me that they regard elders based on age.The character or initiation of the Elder can be somewhat irrelevant. Of course I'm sure that on the whole they strive for good and gentle character, but as she has taught me, if they are found lacking you (the junior) are not free to act on that. Meaning that if they curse you completely out you are expected to take it, learn from it, and move forward. Iya (Iyanifa Ifalola Sangoyemi) has always woven lessons on respect for elders into conversations. Often they were very hard pills to swallow, but I took my medicine like a big girl...most of the time. These lessons on an almost blind respect for elders has in many ways saved my relationship with my father. I still draw some boundaries to be honest because I feel the need to protect my family from some of that foolishness, but I do so respectfully. I allow myself some space for learning. I also keep in mind that Ifa has standards that don't care one bit about "how I was raised". Because of this, I have had to take a few classes in humility

There is one more difference here in the diaspora that probably wouldn't happen as much in Nigeria. Here many of us are reconnected to Ifa (ATRs) as adults. This can make figuring out elders an interesting game. Here is an example. I am actually older (by about a year) than my Iya, but she is initiated Sango AND Ifa. Now, 9 times out of 10 that wouldn't have happened if we were raised in the tradition. So natally I am actually her elder, but she is twice initiated mine. As a matter of fact my husband is about 7 years her elder natally, but she's our Iya (mother). Humility, gratefulness, and her old soul make it both easy and a joy to kneel at her feet when we see her. She has literally saved me and brought me to Ifa. The other cool thing is that she, imho, was really old when she transitioned from her last life so she is a really old soul this life. Ifa, looks out for the small things. ;). There is a little boy that might possibly be initiated before me, and guess what? If this happens I will salute him as required by Ifa and expect him to do as he is asked in other regards. This is simply the way things must be navigated with a culture that is trying to play catch up with reconnecting with our roots.

My prayer is that you will read this as one of my on going lessons, not as a reason for division or disagreement with what you may believe. We, as Afrikan Americans, have a very unique experience to put it nicely. We have to make some adjustments at times in regards to our ATRs/DTRs, but in the end we should all find some common lessons. These lessons should be humility, love, gratefulness, truth, honesty, and community.

Again, these are just the humble lessons and opinions of an Ifa baby...

Community Homeschooling

So, I've been volunteering with the summer camp that my niece is heading up. Although it has had it's challenges for everyone involved I have fallen in love with the children. I LOVE teaching. Now, you would think that this would have come naturally since we homeschool already. Lemme tell you, sometimes it can take a minute for you to find you way. I went so long with having someone else teach my children it was hard at first. I'm also not the most organized person in the world so I tend to lean toward unschooling to a degree with a lot of reading. Anyway, since I have come into this new love I starting thinking...what if I do this all the time with other people's children? What if I start with a Saturday school? What if I am eventually able to start homeschooling in a community way?

You may be saying, "Um, this blog is about your journey to Ifa. What does this have to do with Ifa?" Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, the Afrikan way is a communal way. Let's say that my godmother likes to hustle and run a lucrative business and I like to stay home and nurture. Wouldn't it make sense for her to work and for me to homeschool with a lil side business rather than both of us working full time and our children going to public school? Kinda like co-wives, but we both have our OWN husbands. lol There are a lot of families in our community that have children that simply don't do well in the school system. We need to pull together to save them. This is the Afrikan way. We save each other. We save each other's children.

When I began to entertain the thought of a communal homeschool. I felt this rush. It was like my Egun were blessing it. Like they were saying that they were glad that I finally figured it out. I haven't cast for it yet. I don't know if I should since I feel so strongly and so relaxed about it. I don't know if I would give up hair, although the timing is perfect. I sat at my shrine and talked to them about it. For the first time I felt a deep connection. I knew that they were there and it didn't take a whole lot of singing and chanting. I just talked and poured out my heart. Of course I will ask Iya about it and see what she thinks as far as casting for it and such, but she is really heavy on listening to your Ori. I always tell her that I don't quite trust mine yet because I'm just now reconnecting to it.

On another note about communal mindsets...This is not an example of homeschooling, but my Iya said something the other day that made a HUGE impact on me. She was talking about Yeye (Yeye Lawo Olomitutu). She said that she(Yeye) was planning on buying a van for the Ile. That way if anybody needed a ride, whoever was off that day would basically play chauffeur to make sure that everybody could get around. How many preachers do you know that buy a vehicle to be used by any and everybody in their congregation? Then Iya told Yeye, that if she bought the van she would probably end up giving it to one of the people in the Ile that needs a car. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT? Now to be honest, I am having to take notes because I am still having to deprogram from a lot of individualistic thought, but I have beautiful examples of what it is to be giving and communal in word and deed. These are two BEAUTIFUL women! It doesn't mean that you are never compensated for your goods or services, but it means that you aren't petty as hell about every little thing.

It takes a village to raise a child, but the village is jacked up. Don't sit back and complain about the village, but rather do what YOU can where YOU are to change it!

Hand of Ifa Weekend

Let me first say that I am changed forever. The weekend of May 20th my husband and I received our Hand of Ifa. I short, you receive some information about yourself that helps you to develop further in the tradition and you also receive the tools to continue to stay in contact with the necessary energies. I don't really feel comfortable saying much more than that because I already feel as though too much information in just kinda hanging around in cyber space.

I would, however, like to speak on the beauty of the experience.

Community/Family
We all learned something about what real community and family looks like. We arrived and got lost in the neighborhood and Iya and Yeye (both mean mother but that's what we stick with for differentiation) came to rescue us. When I saw Iya's face I was SO EXCITED!!! I immediately knew I was home. When we got to the house they had bought food from a Senegalese restaurant and didn't ask for a dime. Wait, forgot to tell you. We had only been greeting via verbal instructions. It was a little different, but it felt good to see and do all the bowing. They are so worthy of it. It was wonderful for the children to learn it also. Back to the food. It was delicious. All my vegetarian ways were on hold for the weekend because I thought myself a little haughty to expect someone who is kind enough to feed us to rearrange their eating habits. Plus to be honest, MY IYA CAN COOK!!! OMG!!! If we had stayed any longer I would have been a cow. One thing that my husband loved was that EVERYBODY is EVERY child's Iya and Baba. I didn't have to worry about where they were and what they were doing. They were also very excited to meet Iya's two girls. Let's be honest I was SUPER excited to meet them. They are such wonderful STRONG little women. Olamide even gained a teacher while we were there. They have so much in common and he is a magnificent Awo. Baba Ifakayode's duality shows in a very beautiful way and is a very balanced omo Esu. Honestly he is like the male version of my Iya so I gotta love 'im. Long story short I have a whole new family and I love them all. My heart has been wanting to return since we pulled out of her driveway. We all cried off and on as we left Atlanta.

Culture/Spirituality
We learned A LOT!!! The thing that I really enjoyed is that if you just have a conversation with the people I met you are going to learn SOMETHING. If you are around them and don't learn, it's because you choose ignorance. Once 3 conversations were going on at once and I just walked room to room trying my best to get it all. Yeye is originally from The Continent so I love that. She has a better grip on the actual cultural aspect and I really appreciate that. Plus she is just the bomb when it comes to Ifa. She can explain things in ways that make the most complex idea simply and easy to learn. She is Omo Sango/Osun but also has been initiate to Obatala. The bomb right? Purdy much. Iya is a southern girl by birth, but her heart has the strength of the Congo and the beauty of Ifa. I just love her for every reason and no reason at all. She saved me from a really bad situation so I owe her my life. I am forever in her debt and at her beck-and-call. I loved learning all of the things she taught us. I really love casting obi and tending the shrines. She is a really straight forward in your face kind of teacher. She ain't gone pull no punches. Her strengths are her humility and love for honesty. That's why we get along so well. I know she is safe, because she values the same things I do. She is truly omo Sango/Oya.

That short weekend made me able to go back home and pick up on my reading and have it come alive. Ifa is real to me. I can feel it now. I give thanks. Ase.