Ori~Praying Inwardly vs Outwardly/Upwardly

So this year has really kicked the door in. There has been a lot of changing and shifting. Some of the changes were really easy and some were literally heart wrenching and had to be cried out. This year has a very strong presence, if that makes sense. I am both fearful and excited about what it will bring. I was listening to a blogtalk radio show that was giving various readings for the year.

One common theme I've noticed with readings from all over is that this year has a lot of female energy and power. This came into play for me because I was reading a book called "Osun, the Manly Woman". It was written by a man that is omo Osun. In the first few chapters he really seemed to be berating women, and boy was it pissing me off. What was strange about my being pissed off? Well, you see, I was raised in a household with a very chauvinistic father. I never fell totally into his beliefs about women, but I also never learned about the power of the feminine principle. It was also really interesting that around the end of December I began to feel really strongly that I needed to begin a Rites of Passage program for girls in my area. I really excited about stepping into my Osun-ness this year.  Anyhoo, once I made the connections between the readings I'd heard and my strong feelings about the book I was reading it all started to make sense. I bonus was that it deepened my belief in the power of readings and things of the like.

Another change is that a VERY important relationship ended. I won't give all of the details, because it still hurts and it really won't benefit you to hear them. I was extremely attached to and dependent on this person. My husband began to feel uneasy about the relationship, well honestly he felt uneasy from the beginning. Our discussions ranged from simple talks to full on arguments. What I will admit this now, that I wouldn't admit before is that  he has never been wrong about things like that in the past. I didn't ever tell him, but I'd also begun to feel uneasy and begun to dream and hear things concerning it at my shrine. I fought all of this for a long time because I knew this was going to cause some major pain for myself and the sista involved. Long story short the friendship ended, I cried it out, and began to search for the lesson that required me to go through such unbearable pains. One major lesson was that I don't listen to my Ori and I'm not connected to it deeply enough. This problem started a long time ago when I went back to church. I began to learn to ignore my Ori there. Listening to it got me in a lot of trouble and I needed to blend in. Now I am working on reconnecting, because ignoring my Ori will have me up shit creek to put it lightly. All that being said...

I was praying to my Ori and realized that I was praying upward/outward. My prayers were not being aimed internally. I stopped and wondered what that was about. I realized that I'd always been taught by example that when you prayed to the various parts of the Trinity that they were out there somewhere. Although you are told that "Your body is the dwelling of the Holy Spirit" the behaviors and prayers don't necessarily reflect that. So here I am holding my head, praying, and trying to redirect them. Why is this so important? Because my life will change so very much as soon as I realize that everything I need is inside ME. The sista that I had to part ways with always told me that the first and most important law is that of self preservation. I told her that I always felt so guilty about even thinking that way, but I understand it now. I know what it means and for me it starts with projecting my prayers inward. It starts with acknowledging Ori above and before any other guardian, guide, Orisa, or person. Nothing good can even come to me unless Ori allows it. Another more earthly way to think of it is this. If I don't really want good things for myself or if I don't really think that I deserve good things, then no matter how much my actions say the opposite, those positive things can never come to me.

I began to also consider that part of the trick played on us by way of forcing us to worship a god that doesn't look like us in our mind's eye is that it also forces you to pray externally. It forces my Afrikan soul to seek the wisdom of another. I have to achieve the destiny that my Ori chose for me and I can't do that praying outside myself. I have a lot to do and it starts with reconnecting that which has been disconnected.

Although, it still hurts at times, I am so glad for the 31 days of lessons that January 2011 brought. As for February. Let's get it on!