Old Slave Mart Museum and House Negro

The Old Slave Mart Museum can be found at 6 Chalmer Street, Charleston, SC. It is a small building with two floor and is PACKED with information. There are no pictures or cell phones allowed, but you know I had to snap one picture. I could've gotten more, but I didn't want to be all they way wrong. lol The cost was only $7 and was worth so much more. Oh, and btw they also had an elevator for my husband to use which was great! We walked around and read all that we could in an hour, because we had to part by one of those meters which limited our time. The visit was going great. There was a Caucasian man and woman that were exiting right when we came upstairs. He was remarking about how the exhibits made him feel really sad. When he went down stairs the lady at the desk went into straight Mammie mode. Here are some of the things said said in list form.

1. You shouldn't feel sad, you didn't own any slaves.
2. There are people being abused all over the world and you don't feel sad about that, so why feel sad about this?
3. You knew I was black when you walked in didn't you?
4. Your family might not have even owned slaved.
5. You shouldn't feel bad about things that happened so long ago.

By now my husband and I are fuming. We are ready to leave, but want to finish reading despite of her shameless House Negro-ness. After that she apparently was having a disagreement with her significant other. My husband and I decided that she didn't know that we could hear her upstairs. We also decided that she should read the information on the walls through the lens of critical thought in conjunction with a list of books, articles, and a couple of youtube vids for good measure. It's good that the man was able to feel sad. I'm glad he felt anything at all. She should have minded her business and allowed him to work through his feelings. This would have allowed him some much needed self examination which we ALL need to do on a regular basis. She needs to be taken from the house and put in the field...

Spirituality, Dichotomy, and Compartmentalization

I have always proudly stated that I am a very "black and white person." I've always worn it as a badge of pride and in many ways have used it as a measurement by which to gauge the morality of others. Everything was good/bad, black/white, god/devil, etc. I'm sure many of you are wondering what the problem is. Well, the problem is this, the Universe simply does not work that way. It's not comprised of dichotomous opposing forces. It is not compartmentalized for our ease of use. It is, in fact, comprised of many and varied complementary principals. The concept of all differences being opposing is the root of many of the issues that we see every day. Some of them are rather confusing and complex.

Spirituality-Many indigenous cultures do not have a clear cut belief of good vs. evil. Many times you will just hear stories of opposing forces, but they are mostly used to illustrate balances via personification of various elemental components found in everyday life. Things such as sunrise/sunset, sun/moon, fire/water, etc. Even in popular movies such as Avatar. The fire nation wasn't innately bad. The issue that the other nations had with them was that they caused imbalances and disconnection from the Spirit world. In Ifa, from what I have learned so far, there are also opposing forces. I have never heard them being called evil. Why? I assume that it is because everything has a purpose and that purpose is to maintain balance. Many times we call things evil if we don't understand them. We are connected to all things and all things are connected to us, so if anything is evil that evil will also be reflected in us as a whole.

Dichotomy- Here is the definition from good old Merriam Webster- a division into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities ; also : the process or practice of making such a division. Now, further down it also talked about "two seemingly opposing forces". I am reading the book Yurugu by Marimba Ani and she speaks about this topic a lot because it was birthed from the European thought in order to satiate their need to control. Dichotomies have a tendency to separate and not appreciate. Think about it in regards to the American school system. Segregation was cool except for the fact that the differences between the two were not appreciated or view as equal. One was considered good and the other evil. One was considered strong while the other was considered weak. They never did and probably never will reach the point of being seen as separate or different, but equal. We should, in all things, seek to see the complement rather than the dichotomy even when one of the parts is unbalanced. Nothing is truly mutually exclusive or contradictory, those mindsets come from oppressive mentalities rather than from Spirit.

Compartmentalization-When I was in the church, I remember hearing people constantly spouting, in order of importance, the  things in their lives. It usually sounded something like, "God first, my family and friends, my job, and then everything else." In indigenous beliefs/culture/concepts all of those things are one and the same. They cannot be separated and were never meant to be separated. You may have also heard someone say,"We are all made up of 3 parts. These parts are mind, body, and spirit." or something like that. In indigenous thought we view ourselves as whole beings and as part of, but not separated from, all things in the universe. We are not to view ourselves as pieces and parts to be improved on or ignored independently from the rest of the being. Everything and everybody is connected, and not in the hierarchical sense that many of us have been taught. We are NOT more important than water, animals, rocks, etc. We are all a very minute yet infinite part of a infinitely large universe. You can do nothing without causing changes somewhere else. Our existence is not comprised of a bunch of file cabinet drawers to be pulled out and tended to at our whim. We are whole beings in a whole culture, but have been tricked into believing that we are separate and broken by the belief in a culture not our own.

Freed up a little...

Okay, so I'll admit that I'm not the most patient creature ever created, but I have to best intentions. When I am excited about something I want to learn everything about it. This has been especially true with any religious experiences I've had. I am hitting a major wall with the differences between my experiences in Christianity and Ifa. You see when I was in the church I pretty much was made a minister first and learned all about the religion and stuff later. With Ifa, not matter how I push, pull, and throw fits I can't move forward until I complete and fully understand the next step. This generally has nothing to do with being blocked by various elders. Oh no. Not at all. That would be too easy for me to maneuver and manipulate to get my way. I swear I'm being blocked by shear spiritual force. I am being made to be still and master each step before moving on. Ori, is able to make total sense of this, but the rest of me looks like the girl bouncing back and forth wanting to jump in the double dutch ropes. I was listening to Baba Ifategunse and he was dancing all over my toes. At the same time I was saying ouch I was being relieved of the pressure to achieve. I have been told repeatedly to slow down, but sometimes you just have to hear it the "right way." The way that makes sense in YOUR ears. He was telling me (well it seemed that he was speaking to me) that I should take about 3 years to just concentrate on my Egun. Get that relationship tight first at it is the foundation to everything else. Now, let me say that everyone that has played a role in my "Ifa Education" has told me the same thing, so this is in no way a reflection on those that have taught me thus far. I have just been rushing and pushing and not mastering. Now, I want to master my communication with Egun because I need them and they need me. Our relationship is reciprocal and they have been waiting a long time to be heard and have a lot to say...

I ain't scared...um...on second thought, yes I am.

A sista on FB asked a question. The question was, "Are people who practice ATR afraid to say so? I never thought about being afraid but I am learning that this fear is more common than not..." Initially I responded. I erased it after seeing that a brother respond with, "Closet folks! SMDH". Okay, so this wasn't going to be a building session huh? My initial response, that I erased was, "I'm not scared around other people but I am still scared to tell my parents." I removed the response because I generally don't expose raw emotions to pissed off, arrogant, I've-already-arrived-and-forgot-where-the-hell-I-came-from-so-I-sit-on-my-throne-in-judgment-of-others-type Negroes.

I don't really care what my father has to say about it because he is perpetually disappointed in me anyway. My Mama is a whole other story. I love this woman in ways that simply cannot be expressed. I know that she is going to go through a whole range of emotions. I know that it is going to be a lot tears shed. I know that we will still be really close afterward. I have a sneaking feeling that I am about to be exposed pretty soon. lol In many ways it would be such a relief. Contrary to what Angry-black-brotha assumes, I'm not in the closet. I don't really hide it from anyone...except my family. Okay, so maybe that is slightly punkish, but that's where I am. I love my Mama and I don't want to hurt her. I can deal with everyone else's reactions, but I fear that her disappointment will be unbearable...

Ori~Praying Inwardly vs Outwardly/Upwardly

So this year has really kicked the door in. There has been a lot of changing and shifting. Some of the changes were really easy and some were literally heart wrenching and had to be cried out. This year has a very strong presence, if that makes sense. I am both fearful and excited about what it will bring. I was listening to a blogtalk radio show that was giving various readings for the year.

One common theme I've noticed with readings from all over is that this year has a lot of female energy and power. This came into play for me because I was reading a book called "Osun, the Manly Woman". It was written by a man that is omo Osun. In the first few chapters he really seemed to be berating women, and boy was it pissing me off. What was strange about my being pissed off? Well, you see, I was raised in a household with a very chauvinistic father. I never fell totally into his beliefs about women, but I also never learned about the power of the feminine principle. It was also really interesting that around the end of December I began to feel really strongly that I needed to begin a Rites of Passage program for girls in my area. I really excited about stepping into my Osun-ness this year.  Anyhoo, once I made the connections between the readings I'd heard and my strong feelings about the book I was reading it all started to make sense. I bonus was that it deepened my belief in the power of readings and things of the like.

Another change is that a VERY important relationship ended. I won't give all of the details, because it still hurts and it really won't benefit you to hear them. I was extremely attached to and dependent on this person. My husband began to feel uneasy about the relationship, well honestly he felt uneasy from the beginning. Our discussions ranged from simple talks to full on arguments. What I will admit this now, that I wouldn't admit before is that  he has never been wrong about things like that in the past. I didn't ever tell him, but I'd also begun to feel uneasy and begun to dream and hear things concerning it at my shrine. I fought all of this for a long time because I knew this was going to cause some major pain for myself and the sista involved. Long story short the friendship ended, I cried it out, and began to search for the lesson that required me to go through such unbearable pains. One major lesson was that I don't listen to my Ori and I'm not connected to it deeply enough. This problem started a long time ago when I went back to church. I began to learn to ignore my Ori there. Listening to it got me in a lot of trouble and I needed to blend in. Now I am working on reconnecting, because ignoring my Ori will have me up shit creek to put it lightly. All that being said...

I was praying to my Ori and realized that I was praying upward/outward. My prayers were not being aimed internally. I stopped and wondered what that was about. I realized that I'd always been taught by example that when you prayed to the various parts of the Trinity that they were out there somewhere. Although you are told that "Your body is the dwelling of the Holy Spirit" the behaviors and prayers don't necessarily reflect that. So here I am holding my head, praying, and trying to redirect them. Why is this so important? Because my life will change so very much as soon as I realize that everything I need is inside ME. The sista that I had to part ways with always told me that the first and most important law is that of self preservation. I told her that I always felt so guilty about even thinking that way, but I understand it now. I know what it means and for me it starts with projecting my prayers inward. It starts with acknowledging Ori above and before any other guardian, guide, Orisa, or person. Nothing good can even come to me unless Ori allows it. Another more earthly way to think of it is this. If I don't really want good things for myself or if I don't really think that I deserve good things, then no matter how much my actions say the opposite, those positive things can never come to me.

I began to also consider that part of the trick played on us by way of forcing us to worship a god that doesn't look like us in our mind's eye is that it also forces you to pray externally. It forces my Afrikan soul to seek the wisdom of another. I have to achieve the destiny that my Ori chose for me and I can't do that praying outside myself. I have a lot to do and it starts with reconnecting that which has been disconnected.

Although, it still hurts at times, I am so glad for the 31 days of lessons that January 2011 brought. As for February. Let's get it on!

I NEED GODPARENTS DAMMIT!!!

This is going to be really short and to the point. I need godparents. I am fully aware of this. I am surronded by people that have godparents that I could probably claim, but I don't feel pulled in that direction. I know that I need for he/she/them to be close to me. Being honest I know that I will not drive, but so far for all of the stuff that will be required of me to be a good supportive godchild and godsibling. I like being involved as much as possible and thus learning as much as possible. I have been gleaning information literally wherever I can get it. The problem is that is might be Lukumi, Santeria, or Ifa and sometimes I can't tell the difference. THEN within those practices each ile has their own personal way of doing things. No matter what I glean, I still feel idle, because I might have to unlearn some, most, or all of it. I don't even have ilekes and I know I need them in a major way. I need a bunch of stuff. It's like I have the need, but I don't have the source. What's that about? It's like I want to put it in the want ads and hold interviews or something! lol That's a no go. I know I'm not the most patience person in the world, but damn. Really? It's taking a while. Okay. I'm done venting. Odabo ati a sunji o

Meandering river...

Have you every looked around your life and it seemed as if shit was just falling down around you like the walls of Jericho? I feel that way right now. Well, in a way I do. It's like I am suffering from split personality disorder. I should be freakin' out and crying. I should be stompin' a mudhole in somebody's ass. I should be curled up in a fetal position in some dark recess. My reaction doesn't seem normal. It's like I'm watching a movie of my life and so the effect is lessened. The load is to heavy, but since it doesn't seem to really be mine... I think that my doppelganger was sent here to assist me in this load that is more than I can bear.

I flow like a meandering river. Squeezing through tight spots, knocking down seemingly impassable obstacles, all the while bringing revitalization to those around me...