True Freedom...

My family and I will soon be traveling south to go visit our Ile family. We are all SO excited. Usually when I am really happy about something the second person I share it with is my Mama. She is second because my husband is usually first. Why haven't I told her, because I don't feel like hearing what might come along with it.

You see, I still haven't told my Mama about my "conversion". At first it was because my husband asked me to wait until they asked rather than throwing it up in their faces. That was probably wise because I was a little to froggy at the time and it wouldn't have ended well. You know how when you scared you tend to be on the defense. I still feel like she knows and isn't saying anything. I am petrified of losing my relationship with her because lawd knows I love that woman. I do, however, feel pure anger at the fact that I feel so restricted and bound. I understand why she feels the way she does, but there is no way for me to get her to understand how I feel. It wouldn't be for her lack of trying. It is because of the structure of the Christian beliefs of eternal hell and such. So in short, I am 34 years old and may well be 4 years old.

I talked it over with my godmother who is wise beyond her years AND mine thankfully. I was going to just blurt it out and get it over with because I am literally exhausted with this. I have chosen a path that doesn't condemn that paths of others, but somehow I am not able to escape being condemned. Since I feel like I'm still a kid, I will probably use the system that Mama developed when I was young. When we found that something was too hard to talk about or we were too mad to talk about it, we would write notes to each other. I'm thinking that this is a note writing situation and yes I'm a punk when it comes to my Mama. Either way I will be SO happy when this is all over. It'll probably get really interesting since everybody in my family is some form of Christian.

Fuh dose uh you dat know duh power uh prayer, please pray my skrenf in duh lawd.